The balance of receiving abundance

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I had always thought abundance was a flow or force, something that simply comes into your life. But I recently stumbled on the idea that receiving abundance is more about keeping the equilibrium of giving and taking. I've been doing a lot of self-work this past month. I'm trying to recover from a summer than just absolutely rocked me from my core and challenged every dream and idea I had about my life. In a total effort to stop the madness, I stopped trying to give and I stopped trying recieve. I just wanted to be. I knew the heart pain would take it's course. Nothing last forever. But I finally came up for air, around the time preceding the last set of eclipses, I was so bone dry empty I didn't know where to begin.

Feeling like I was starting at square one, I retook the reigns of my push and pull energy and felt out where they were going. Not only did I need to reestablish a sense of security. I literally had to find the faith to open up again a little at a time. I had to receive again. Not spiritual wise. Those connections are hard wired. I've received the wisest wisdom in my darkest of times. But I needed to open to the world around me, the people, the activities, the potentials again.

I've always had trouble around receiving back from what I put out, because usually what I put out doesn't feel like I gave anything. If I barely noticed I gave anything but some time, I could bare it, right? A month into opening to this new alignment I know I was only hurting myself by not receiving back. I've usually felt I had to be the rock for others in order to receive love, to do more, to feel more for them. Because what I have out of pure abundant giving couldn't be enough, right? I've got lots of static around receiving, so I brought up a youtube meditation to get some flow and clarity around that state.

What I remembered, (because I've been in flow and abundance before, and I bet you have too) was that receiving had little to do with my own self worth or non-worth.  I could feel completely unworthy and still be part of the living web of energy and life around me. That life flow was still going to include me in it. And the other funny thing about receiving and abundance is that from the state calm okay, there is little difference between giving and getting, it's in equilibrium. If I stop the flow to stop receiving, I stop giving too. Pride and ego may throw a bit of fit at the thought of getting back, but I know it will happen anyway because nature seeks to fill the void. Water and energy travels the paths of least the empty places where there is no resistance. It seeks to fill.

Here's what I listened to, hope it helps another:


Where are your hollows and depressions? What needs a good fill up in your life?

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