How to know if you need some boundary work

Do you even have any idea what your boundaries are?


For Empaths and Intuitives, sometimes boundaries can be a tricky issue.  If you are stuck in caregiver, fix-it, or ultimate healer mode, then most likely your boundaries can use some strengthening. 

For me boundaries are the edges of our comfort zone, the space where our natural resilience or place of power rests. When we go through a dark night, period of low vibe, or even depression, our boundaries are going to be low as well. We won't have the natural buffer or tolerance for tackling challenges. But when are feeling good, flowing, and high-vibe, we can take more on and get more stuff down. Boundaries are directly related to how we feel!

Here are some common misconceptions about boundaries:

  • They are static, never changing: We change our minds and hearts many times in life. Our boundaries and comfort zones changes as we do. What might be a real problem for us, can see easy-peasey to deal with in our 30's. 
  • There is always one fixed boundary to hold: That is an ideal, not reality. Each day we wake in new situations, new energies, new circumstances. We can't expect our boundaries to always be in the same place, much like we can't always count on our emotions being in the same place. We have to learn to lean to what feels flowing and comfortable each day, and seek to expand a little outside our comfort zone when we're feeling a little contracted or it feels like our energy has shrunk.
  • Boundaries keep us safe: This is much like thinking a magick wall or bubble of energy will actually stop bad guys from hurting us. It doesn't work like that on this physical plane. Boundaries, like our emotions are signal for when we are in and out of comfort zone, no more, no less. It's important information to have, but it's not all that a lot of books about psychic protection make it out to be. 

Here are some quick tips to know if you need boundary work!!

How to know if you need more boundary work


You need boundary work if:

You feel overwhelmed

You need boundary work if:

You feel rushed or pushed to make a decision or response.

You need boundary work if:

You feel attacked, defensive, like someone is trying to blame, judge, or push their energy or opinion on you.

How to work with your boundaries:

  1. Recognize you are getting some boundaries signals.
  2. Identify what is being triggered in you, what emotions are you mirroring? What is the cause or fear you or the other person is reaction?
  3. Ask yourself whether you agree or disagree with the line of thought, conclusion, or judgment. Is the fear based on any facts whatsoever?
  4. Give their fear love, give yourself love, and bless the situation around their fear. Remember it might not be yours to fix, but if you can show them you understand their fear, you can usually diffuse the knee-jerk reaction taking place.

expand your boundaries


This technique works because it raises our vibe and keeps us from absorbing the other person's emotions, reality, and/or fear. Our boundaries get triggered because we feel we are about to lose something, our time, our energy, our sense of comfort. Most times we have a knee jerk reaction to that kind of thing. But if we can come into awareness about what is happening, we can center back into our comfort zone and start to expand our boundaries so we can handle more. Being able to receive more in life is one of the keys to manifestation that can accelerate your dreams!!!

How do I shield? I don’t. Here’s why.


As I lurk around the cybersphere in groups and in conversations with friends the topic of shields and protection almost always seems to comes up. Now this may sound radical and counter-intuitive but the more I fully live from my core and my soul Divine connection, the more I see we don’t need to shield. At least, we don’t need to shield in the way more books on psychic abilities describe or advocate. In fact, the more I think about and listen to the words people use to describe their sensitivities and how they need to be protected the more irritated I get because the fear and pain are so evident in their words, yet they would rather hide away hoping the world will leave them alone or find a way through all the walls they have built between themselves and the world to give them the abundance they seek.

But it won’t. It can’t.

The world won’t stop just because we have sensitivities and feel overloaded, overstimulated.  The world isn’t capable of stopping because we want to be left alone, because we’re afraid of the next bout of negativity. There is only so far removed from the world that we can make ourselves. There is only so much struggle we can create for ourselves by not accepting who are. Too many times, has this reliance on shielding backfired on me before I understood my true nature.  I figured out that I am not meant to be contained, hiding, afraid. I work best when interacting with others, the energy I have and generate needs the outlet of others.  I only bottle myself up when I try to strengthen the shields to keep the chaos at bay, I can’t actually stop bad things from happening or from other’s saying mean, spiteful things.

I am no more special, advanced, or needed than you.

So, please, believe me when I say there comes a point where hiding is no longer an option, a point where we become ready to live in our own light.

And this is why we don’t need to shield. We are healers when it comes right down to bare bones. Maybe we aren’t all Reiki practitioners herbalists, or crystal healing practitioners, but we are meant to heal. And we cannot do that from the space of victimhood or hiding away. We cannot do that behind heavy shields that keep us from experiencing the truth and power of reality and Truth. The walls only keep us from the Divine, and from the LOVE we all need.

The Truth is, my amazing ones, is that we don’t need shielding because by simply existing and breathing we are a force of light and healing. We don’t need a shield because our true nature, when we connect to the Divine and the world around us, our love and compassion, are more powerful than any pain or struggle that we can experience.

We need to turn the volume up on ourselves, our souls, our essence.

Our love. 

Our compassion.

Sure there are times and situations when we need actual spiritual protection. But when we’re walking down the grocery store trying to tune out and protect ourselves from those who feel harsh, abrasive, down in the dumps and so forth, we don’t need shields. We need to realize these are people in pain. And instead of feeling their pain and pushing their pain away, we need to come back to center. Come back to the calm, stillness inside of SOUL, and use our Divine connection to raise the vibe, raise the volume on soul, and raise the love around us.


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If you are ready to raise your vibe and live from your true essence, then considering starting that change with a conversation with me! I hold space for 4 women a month, who are ready to embrace their soul purpose and power. If this is you, if you resonate with this, if you feel your soul longing to say “Yes, please!”, then click on the link to fill out an application for a free discovery session!

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Ask Intuitive Coach Lindsay Webisode #2: What’s Shielding


Have you mastered shielding and protecting yourself?

Don’t worry you’re not alone! It took me years to figure out an effective way to shield for myself. I had tried all the books and meditations, but I still didn’t get it and I didn’t get why I was always feeling so stuck and bottled up! Did you know shielding and being stuck can be related?

Take a listen to this quick webisode of “Ask Intuitive Coach Lindsay” to find out something about shielding you might not have know before!


Being open and an empath Part 2: What to do instead of shielding

How can you flex those love muscles?


In the previous section of this article series, I had asked my empath, intuitive, and sensitive readers why they were shielding and if that shielding was what was really best for them. What I heard my readers and clients saying was that they had reached a point of overwhelm and/or trauma and couldn’t handle the extra stresses related to being sensitive and open. But it doesn’t have to be that way! We don’t have to fear pain or the potential of pain to the point where we shut down as an empath or sensitive.

The average person will go through natural cycles of being open and closed, needing healing and moving forward. But empathy seems to compound these cycles, because empathy taps into the very building blocks of our reality, how the world is being experienced through thought and feeling. While empaths do have to find ways to create a comfortable balance with being social and hermetic, we cannot close ourselves off the world around us.

The most powerful way to create this balance is through raising your vibration. I’ve noticed that many of us will actually attempt to shrink or hide away when faced with stress or confrontation. While I think that is a learned survival instinct, I also think it’s the exact opposite of what needs to happen. Shrinking or hiding pulls one inward, and away from the very thing that will help.

Don’t hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It’s contagious!

Don't hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It's contagious! Click To Tweet

While the world admonishes people who always seem to have their rose-tinted glasses on, a lot of empaths always have rose-tinted glasses on with people and their potential, we can’t help but see it in others. lt’s that Love that will allow us to be both open and protected. I’m sure many of you have already sensed that, which is why we keep trying to “fix” people. But we can’t affect balanced and long lasting healing if we keep moving from out of our powerful centered space. The minute we try to reach our feelers out there or give our energy to another (whether through emotional defense or an actual attempt at healing) we leave our center and leave ourselves that much more in a state of lack. There is a better way.

If we can shift ourselves to a loving space, tapping into Divine Love and support, raise our vibration in that moment we will automatically have a buffer against the heavier emotions. A loving space will also be contagious, it will make people think twice about holding on to what’s holding them down. It will lift you up, energize you, increase your feelings of self and confidence, while also serving a greater purpose. And tapping into Source will automatically expand your energy, you’ll get larger than the problem at hand and more clear about the problem at hand. Truly the best of all worlds for a sensitive or empath!

Your spirit is your true shield. –Morihei Ueshiba

Your spirit is your true shield. --Morihei Ueshiba Click To Tweet


What do I mean about a loving space? I certainly don’t mean pooping rainbows or being hopelessly optimistic.When we are in-center and connected to Source the root of the problem becomes automatically apparent. The answer is always some sort of pain, hurt, or fear of these experiences. The only thing that can cure these things is love. Being in a loving state doesn’t mean we enable others, it doesn’t mean we believe their stories of pain (excuses and crutches). It doesn’t even mean we do anything but listen, believe they are stronger and wiser than they believe, and maybe give them a hug. When you are in that loving state, you will be able to see the pain others clearly. It’s like knowing whether the love lights are on or off in another. Sometimes just showing them the love light in you, will help them figure out how to turn their own love light up.

How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

how can I be less emotional?


Dear Lindsay,

I recently discovered that I’m an empath. I always thought something was wrong with me, how my mood changes when someone walks in the matter where I am and how water calms me, I can feel others moods and the list goes on. How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

–Whirling Emotions


Dear Whirling Emotions,

I’m so glad to answer this question. I’m not sure an empath can actually be less emotional, but we can grow in our understanding of what we are experiencing and why. We learn to tell the difference between what we are feeling (the important stuff) and what other’s are feeling (the not so essential stuff to us). That understanding alone can help us to feel less emotionally reactive to all the external stuff. And there is a a lot more external stuff that will trigger us.

First off, I want to explain that if we begin reacting to another’s emotions, it’s because we have already received some kind of information from them, either through body language, intuitions, or sheer empathic connection. Part of understanding the information comes from recognizing that we empath’s have a natural tendency to “read” everything that comes into our field of vision or awareness. We seem to be naturally curious, whether it’s for reasons of compassion or self-preservation, and so we by default and without real conscious thought read…and there for pick on, anything that comes our way. So the first step to getting a bit of control is to being to be aware of when you are reading into someone or something.


Pin me!

My emotions are a super secret power!


The goal understanding our “reading into” ability is to become proficient enough in knowing when you are reading and picking something up to make the conscious choice to continue or not. If you realize you are reading into something, you will be able to come to a point where you can say, “It’s not my business, this person isn’t confiding in me simply by walking into the room.” I can almost guarantee that this person never consented or wanted to be read, just because they walked into a space you were in. This simple technique can cut out most unintentional re-activeness. “This is not my business” is an excellent mantra for this stage of empathic awareness. You and the other person will definitely know when the read should happen, so that means you don’t actually NEED to delve into the energy of others on a daily basis. Only when it was meant to be!

Do not for an instant, believe that using “not my business” makes you less caring or mean. To the averagely sensitive person, we are almost always over-caring.  So learning to mind our own empathic business, simply allows us to have some sort of normalcy. This, in part, is what people mean when they say you need to work on your boundaries. Additional boundary work might include being able to say “no”, and learning different ways to disengage when you are pressed for something.


My emotions are a super secret power! Click To Tweet


The other thing that sensitives and empaths do when they read into another’s energy and emotional state is they mirror what they perceive. Most times for the beginner, it happens so fast and naturally that we assume a negative or angry personal spread their negativity to us! As if it were some kind of plague! But our mood shift happened because saw something we recognized in the other person’s state of being, like how we start speaking with an accent when we hear it.  While our mind might come up some good reasons as why we should be angry once we feel it, the original emotion we mirrored really isn’t authentic to us. 

Most times I can recognize an emotion I’m mirroring by stopping and asking myself “who do I sound like?” and “Do I really, actually believe all that?”  A mirrored emotion isn’t something we can process and deal with, like our own emotions. It’s a patterning we picked up from an external source, and the energy and emotions ricochet around your system until you can release it. I still pick up panic-worry patterns from my mom. A few days after I see her when she’s worrying, my mind has concocted a bazillion reasons why I should feel panicked or worried….”what did I miss??” But when I catch something in my mind that sounds like it came from my mom, I can release it and re-center back into what I actually think and feel. 

Dealing with just my own emotions is challenging enough. Having to try to deal with emotions triggered by mirroring or reading into things, makes emotional mastery seem impossible. It’s time to cut down the amount of work and pressure we’re putting on ourselves. But the cultural “rule” that we HAVE to care and know what everyone is feeling and thinking or we’re mean, bad, or insensitive is a modern concept. It’s not something we can actually accomplish either. There is no way to prevent someone from getting upset or insulted, no matter how sensitive we are. It’s their choice. Their emotional reaction and reflection of their beliefs and blocks. It’s not our job to heal everyone, and if we are getting hung up on that “rule”, it’s more guilt and ego talking than soul guidance. It’s our job to heal ourselves, tend our light, and shine brightly.

Here are some of questions I use to help get back into emotional center

emotional mastery checks


Being open and an empath: Part 1 What are you shielding from?


what are you shielding from

Way back when I began to realize my empathic nature, one of the first things I was told I needed to learn was shielding. After many years of living my own path, I must say this was all the wrong advice for someone with sensitivities and empathy. My empathy and sensitivities are best expressed in terms of openness, flows, ebbs, and signal strength…all ideas and concepts that have little to do with hiding behind an energy barrier.

The more I struggled with shielding:

  •  the harder things would hit me,
  • the less me I was,
  • the less people were able to really help me, because I was becoming more and more disconnected and hidden away.


When the anxiety and panic attacks hit, and yes, I do think there was a correlation, it nearly broke me. I was no longer the person who could follow the flow and see where it led. I was barely able to process everything that was being held inside, much less filter or process others. My nerves and sensitivities were rubbed raw and I had no way to buffer anymore because my energy was in such disarray, scattered to the point of almost being non-existent.

The heavier the wall I tried to put in place:

  • the less I was able to get all the good energies I needed,
  • the nuances of psychic hits were lost on me,
  • the more bottled up and overwhelmed I felt,
  • the more my peace of mind and confidence deteriorated.


The longer I tried to hold the wall, the longer I spent locking it in place, even holding on to negativity. Because I was shielding based on negative thinking, I was shielding out of fear. All sorts of fear, fear of being hurt, of not being able to recover from yet another painful experience, from the unknown of someone’s reaction, of being completely misunderstood, judged, demonized. From a perspective of fear, shielding makes total sense. But with that came the price of no longer being the free spirit I had been.

There had to be a better balance, than shielding, because I no longer wanted to live in that fear state.

From a perspective of fear, shielding makes total sense. But I don't want to live in fear! Click To Tweet

What I did learn was that negativity won’t kill me. Negativity is going to make it past shields because I’m an empath. I feel the innate wrongness of negativity and so tune it in to understand it better. I’m going to keep seeing in much the same way a teacher notices grammar mistakes. I’m going to want to fix it, heal it, shift it. Especially if that negativity is coming from a loved one, friend, or someone I spend a lot of time around.

don't spend life in a bubble. Crack it and start living.


Understanding this tendency and inclination in empathy is important. There will always be choices to make for how we handle ourselves and the input presented to us. But building a wall is like building a dam on a much-needed river. I need that river, my intuitive empathic nature, in order to be able to make the shifts and transformations back to center, my Divine nature…in short for the empathic ability to be used to the fullest extent.

Click to see Part 2 of this article series, where I delve a little further into how being in center and in Divine love is the answer to shielding and fear-based thinking!!

Are you struggling with your abilities and gifts, my intuitive coaching can help stop the struggle!



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