I was working in Danielle LaPorte's Workbook O'Fire searching out some clarity from a place of peace I have been seeking out further connection and grounding into. The question that struck me in the workbook was "What do you tell people at parties you do?"
Being me, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, my first response is usually to balk and hide. Surely they want to measure me up when they ask those kinds of questions. I tell them any lame thing, not a lie, but rarely if ever the whole truth. Namely, I don't think people will really understand I will be judged. And the follow through on that thought is judged and found unworthy.
It's not so much about me, but what I'm doing, standing for, investing in. I'm okay with me, but I'm not okay with the judgment. I balk because, in the pale light of that kind of confrontation, I am not sure it what I do measures up to what I think it is. I realized that I wanted to feel that whatever I am doing is "worthy of my admiration". And then I laughed, I laughed like the fool on the spent a month fasting on a mountain only to get a simple truth in revelation.
"Worthy of my admiration"....it sounded so conceited. Which is not me. My ego is not that large. I don't usually know how to be that judgey.
But soul said back to me, "Well, of course, you fall so hard for things and people. You love the potential more than the actual. Who could really be worthy of your admiration when you do not see what is in the NOW?"
That stopped me cold. It's not that I'm judgemental, it's that I see the beauty. I also see where the beauty is clouded, hiding, a little tarnished around the edges. I believe I can fix it, and then focus on a future where that beauty is evident for all to see. Sensitives usually do. From ideas, to plans, to people, and loved ones, we want so very much for their beauty to shine, that we invest in something that is either out of our control or something that simply isn't "there" yet.
But this also speaks to where we invest our love, our energy, our vital and visceral essence. Even our devotion. Our self-worth.
What is truly worthy of our admiration right now?
And of the things we really want to admire...perhaps we're trying too hard to make it something it isn't...yet. Perhaps we need to take a step back. Perhaps we need to work more closely with it, so that it can be worthy. I know what's worthy of my admiration. But what's worthy of your admiration, your devotion? Leave me a comment about your crazy love and admiration!!