Today was a bad day. I can feel the pressure building in my soul. I want to shrink back down to my smaller, less aware, less responsive, less loving self. Like the Edward Gorey's little characters from Masterpiece theater, I can feel my emotions weeping, fainting, and plotting homicide and sabotage. The balance of the tea I just made myself isn't quite right, my back hurts, and I've received news today that a very tough choice had finally been made. I've been working on my vibration, myself, tuning deeply to my soul for a month now, an intensive class of getting straight with myself and my life. And yet, I'm still experiencing bad days and challenging moments. I still have thoughts about running away from it all to an even more secluded cabin high on an even higher mountain (I live in a house in the woods on a mountain already).
But soul knows that's not really true, none of it really. Soul knows I'm seeking comfort and that I'm afraid. Soul is like "Girl, you are such a drama queen! Now you're just making shit up to be cranky about!"
Being in clear and flowing connection to Divine, Spirit, and Soul doesn't mean that things become "perfect" (whatever that is), it only puts us further in touch with who we are and what we're meant to do in this life. To dig a bit deeper here, is also puts us in touch with who we were always meant to be. So that thing you think you are resisting and can stop your becoming process over. You can't. You are already on the path, it is already a part of you. And where we start in the process isn't always the best place, but this present moment is all you have. This is the only moment and place from which you can being to choose and build something different. It is not a bad day, it never was. It has just been a day where I am out of alignment, in fear, of who I am and who I am supposed to be.
We are so all so obsessed, each in our own ways, with progress, success, attainment, having and getting that we forget very easily that we never truly "own" anything. Not our circumstances, not our families, not our love, or even our passion. We only choose it in each and breath. We cannot lose what we never really owned, we can only lose our ideas about it and our judgments about it. Home can be wherever you are. Family can be together even they are not physically together. Your business and reputation can be rebuilt. We aren't even guaranteed our next breath. We can only choose to love or choose to stay in pain. We can also love when we are in pain.
The Soul discomfort we experience on a bad day is a blessing in that it shows us where are out of alignment with Divine Love. It shows us where we need to dial up the volume on self compassion and love, and our deepest soul desires.That ruffle of doubt, fear, and the like, they aren't signals to shrink. They are signals to expand, in love, in our sense of self, our very essence. They are they signals that are telling us to start digging deeper, dreaming bigger dreams for ourselves and our lives, and come into an understanding that we are yet more than we ever dared hope or dream.