How to know if you need some boundary work

Do you even have any idea what your boundaries are?

 

For Empaths and Intuitives, sometimes boundaries can be a tricky issue.  If you are stuck in caregiver, fix-it, or ultimate healer mode, then most likely your boundaries can use some strengthening. 

For me boundaries are the edges of our comfort zone, the space where our natural resilience or place of power rests. When we go through a dark night, period of low vibe, or even depression, our boundaries are going to be low as well. We won't have the natural buffer or tolerance for tackling challenges. But when are feeling good, flowing, and high-vibe, we can take more on and get more stuff down. Boundaries are directly related to how we feel!

Here are some common misconceptions about boundaries:

  • They are static, never changing: We change our minds and hearts many times in life. Our boundaries and comfort zones changes as we do. What might be a real problem for us, can see easy-peasey to deal with in our 30's. 
  • There is always one fixed boundary to hold: That is an ideal, not reality. Each day we wake in new situations, new energies, new circumstances. We can't expect our boundaries to always be in the same place, much like we can't always count on our emotions being in the same place. We have to learn to lean to what feels flowing and comfortable each day, and seek to expand a little outside our comfort zone when we're feeling a little contracted or it feels like our energy has shrunk.
  • Boundaries keep us safe: This is much like thinking a magick wall or bubble of energy will actually stop bad guys from hurting us. It doesn't work like that on this physical plane. Boundaries, like our emotions are signal for when we are in and out of comfort zone, no more, no less. It's important information to have, but it's not all that a lot of books about psychic protection make it out to be. 

Here are some quick tips to know if you need boundary work!!

How to know if you need more boundary work

 

You need boundary work if:

You feel overwhelmed

You need boundary work if:

You feel rushed or pushed to make a decision or response.

You need boundary work if:

You feel attacked, defensive, like someone is trying to blame, judge, or push their energy or opinion on you.

How to work with your boundaries:

  1. Recognize you are getting some boundaries signals.
  2. Identify what is being triggered in you, what emotions are you mirroring? What is the cause or fear you or the other person is reaction?
  3. Ask yourself whether you agree or disagree with the line of thought, conclusion, or judgment. Is the fear based on any facts whatsoever?
  4. Give their fear love, give yourself love, and bless the situation around their fear. Remember it might not be yours to fix, but if you can show them you understand their fear, you can usually diffuse the knee-jerk reaction taking place.

expand your boundaries

 

This technique works because it raises our vibe and keeps us from absorbing the other person's emotions, reality, and/or fear. Our boundaries get triggered because we feel we are about to lose something, our time, our energy, our sense of comfort. Most times we have a knee jerk reaction to that kind of thing. But if we can come into awareness about what is happening, we can center back into our comfort zone and start to expand our boundaries so we can handle more. Being able to receive more in life is one of the keys to manifestation that can accelerate your dreams!!!

How do I shield? I don’t. Here’s why.

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As I lurk around the cybersphere in groups and in conversations with friends the topic of shields and protection almost always seems to comes up. Now this may sound radical and counter-intuitive but the more I fully live from my core and my soul Divine connection, the more I see we don’t need to shield. At least, we don’t need to shield in the way more books on psychic abilities describe or advocate. In fact, the more I think about and listen to the words people use to describe their sensitivities and how they need to be protected the more irritated I get because the fear and pain are so evident in their words, yet they would rather hide away hoping the world will leave them alone or find a way through all the walls they have built between themselves and the world to give them the abundance they seek.

But it won’t. It can’t.

The world won’t stop just because we have sensitivities and feel overloaded, overstimulated.  The world isn’t capable of stopping because we want to be left alone, because we’re afraid of the next bout of negativity. There is only so far removed from the world that we can make ourselves. There is only so much struggle we can create for ourselves by not accepting who are. Too many times, has this reliance on shielding backfired on me before I understood my true nature.  I figured out that I am not meant to be contained, hiding, afraid. I work best when interacting with others, the energy I have and generate needs the outlet of others.  I only bottle myself up when I try to strengthen the shields to keep the chaos at bay, I can’t actually stop bad things from happening or from other’s saying mean, spiteful things.

I am no more special, advanced, or needed than you.

So, please, believe me when I say there comes a point where hiding is no longer an option, a point where we become ready to live in our own light.

And this is why we don’t need to shield. We are healers when it comes right down to bare bones. Maybe we aren’t all Reiki practitioners herbalists, or crystal healing practitioners, but we are meant to heal. And we cannot do that from the space of victimhood or hiding away. We cannot do that behind heavy shields that keep us from experiencing the truth and power of reality and Truth. The walls only keep us from the Divine, and from the LOVE we all need.

The Truth is, my amazing ones, is that we don’t need shielding because by simply existing and breathing we are a force of light and healing. We don’t need a shield because our true nature, when we connect to the Divine and the world around us, our love and compassion, are more powerful than any pain or struggle that we can experience.

We need to turn the volume up on ourselves, our souls, our essence.

Our love. 

Our compassion.

Sure there are times and situations when we need actual spiritual protection. But when we’re walking down the grocery store trying to tune out and protect ourselves from those who feel harsh, abrasive, down in the dumps and so forth, we don’t need shields. We need to realize these are people in pain. And instead of feeling their pain and pushing their pain away, we need to come back to center. Come back to the calm, stillness inside of SOUL, and use our Divine connection to raise the vibe, raise the volume on soul, and raise the love around us.

 

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If you are ready to raise your vibe and live from your true essence, then considering starting that change with a conversation with me! I hold space for 4 women a month, who are ready to embrace their soul purpose and power. If this is you, if you resonate with this, if you feel your soul longing to say “Yes, please!”, then click on the link to fill out an application for a free discovery session!

Take me to the application!

Ask Intuitive Coach Lindsay Webisode #2: What’s Shielding

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Have you mastered shielding and protecting yourself?

Don’t worry you’re not alone! It took me years to figure out an effective way to shield for myself. I had tried all the books and meditations, but I still didn’t get it and I didn’t get why I was always feeling so stuck and bottled up! Did you know shielding and being stuck can be related?

Take a listen to this quick webisode of “Ask Intuitive Coach Lindsay” to find out something about shielding you might not have know before!

 

Being open and an empath Part 2: What to do instead of shielding

How can you flex those love muscles?

 

In the previous section of this article series, I had asked my empath, intuitive, and sensitive readers why they were shielding and if that shielding was what was really best for them. What I heard my readers and clients saying was that they had reached a point of overwhelm and/or trauma and couldn’t handle the extra stresses related to being sensitive and open. But it doesn’t have to be that way! We don’t have to fear pain or the potential of pain to the point where we shut down as an empath or sensitive.

The average person will go through natural cycles of being open and closed, needing healing and moving forward. But empathy seems to compound these cycles, because empathy taps into the very building blocks of our reality, how the world is being experienced through thought and feeling. While empaths do have to find ways to create a comfortable balance with being social and hermetic, we cannot close ourselves off the world around us.

The most powerful way to create this balance is through raising your vibration. I’ve noticed that many of us will actually attempt to shrink or hide away when faced with stress or confrontation. While I think that is a learned survival instinct, I also think it’s the exact opposite of what needs to happen. Shrinking or hiding pulls one inward, and away from the very thing that will help.

Don’t hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It’s contagious!

Don't hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It's contagious! Click To Tweet

While the world admonishes people who always seem to have their rose-tinted glasses on, a lot of empaths always have rose-tinted glasses on with people and their potential, we can’t help but see it in others. lt’s that Love that will allow us to be both open and protected. I’m sure many of you have already sensed that, which is why we keep trying to “fix” people. But we can’t affect balanced and long lasting healing if we keep moving from out of our powerful centered space. The minute we try to reach our feelers out there or give our energy to another (whether through emotional defense or an actual attempt at healing) we leave our center and leave ourselves that much more in a state of lack. There is a better way.

If we can shift ourselves to a loving space, tapping into Divine Love and support, raise our vibration in that moment we will automatically have a buffer against the heavier emotions. A loving space will also be contagious, it will make people think twice about holding on to what’s holding them down. It will lift you up, energize you, increase your feelings of self and confidence, while also serving a greater purpose. And tapping into Source will automatically expand your energy, you’ll get larger than the problem at hand and more clear about the problem at hand. Truly the best of all worlds for a sensitive or empath!

Your spirit is your true shield. –Morihei Ueshiba

Your spirit is your true shield. --Morihei Ueshiba Click To Tweet

 

What do I mean about a loving space? I certainly don’t mean pooping rainbows or being hopelessly optimistic.When we are in-center and connected to Source the root of the problem becomes automatically apparent. The answer is always some sort of pain, hurt, or fear of these experiences. The only thing that can cure these things is love. Being in a loving state doesn’t mean we enable others, it doesn’t mean we believe their stories of pain (excuses and crutches). It doesn’t even mean we do anything but listen, believe they are stronger and wiser than they believe, and maybe give them a hug. When you are in that loving state, you will be able to see the pain others clearly. It’s like knowing whether the love lights are on or off in another. Sometimes just showing them the love light in you, will help them figure out how to turn their own love light up.

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