How to Stop Absorbing negativity

How to stop absorbing negativity

My whole approach to psychic self-defense is a bit inside out from what you might used to hearing. 

While most sources will say that you need to begin building shields and incorporating filters into your energy system in order to win the battle against negativity, I think shields and filter are more detrimental to our well-being than they help. Shielding is based in fear level thinking. It presumes we have to live behind a wall in order to be able to deal with the world, that somehow “out there” there is a horrible, dangerous, poisonous world which must be avoided at all costs. Perhaps you don’t view the whole world this way, maybe there are just some people out there that are hateful and full anger, and you don’t want to catch what they have. But it separates us, it allows us to keep believing that we CAN be separate from each other, that we are not already in “oneness” or parts of a whole.

only the light exists


Now I mention shielding here not because it’s the only answer to negativity, but that it seems to be the most common. I’ve already written about it shielding, and you can see that article here, so let’s focus in on why we absorb negativity in the first place. We do “absorb negativity” for the same the reasons we think we need to shield, but for different ends.

We absorb negativity for  two reasons, sometimes single, sometimes in combination:

  • We are acting of base insecurity in self and lack of enough-ness, “I need to be healer so I must bear this pain”, or even “If this person can’t be happy, then I shouldn’t appear happy either,” “people might think I don’t care”, or “I deserve to live with this mess because it’s all that ever seems to be attracted to me”. Or even simply, “maybe they are right and I am messed up.”



  • We are trying to heal by taking something away from another. We treat emotional pain as if it’s a broken toy we can fix or replace and then give back to someone, so they feel whole and new again. But we never really “take” or “absorb” something from someone else. Like trying to save a drowning person, we dive right in with them or physically try to haul them out of their predicament. In either case, we leave our place of centered and power. But we cannot fix people in that way. We might be modeling a healing process of technique, but everyone must always heal themselves, we each must make the choice be whole. As empaths, we are incredible emotion mimics, sometimes to the point we think it’s our own natural reaction. 


In the energetic reality, we can never really give another person our energy, nor can they take our energy. Each one of us is a being of infinite light and energy living within a reality of infinite light and energy. But in conflict, what we perceive as having energy stolen from us, is when we agree with the other person that we are most likely less than who we really are. In that agreement, even if subconsciously, we disconnect, shrink, contract, from the fullness of our Divine selves. When we contract, we experience a sense of disconnection and energy loss. But it was never the other person who stole energy. The other person, believing they are on a roll, believing in their righteousness, is expanding their energy. Not because they took it from us, but because they are simply allowing more energy to bolster them, because they believe they are justified. The problem lies in what we believe about ourselves in that moment.


We have every right and responsibility to stand in and for our light and love

We have every right and responsibility to stand in and for our light and love. Click To Tweet


What works the best is being whole unto ourselves, having our soul-centered and welcome in our bodies. When we come into a high energy state we tend to see the world a little differently, and not through the lens of our pain and judgments, as we usually do. Instead, of experiencing the emotion with them, we see the pain in others, the root of their behavior. And like a mother seeking to soothe a hurt child, our fields expanding, we channel pure love. And this energy has a weight and field all it’s own, and it is impenetrable by darkness.

Here’s a quick little video I made all about how to stop absorbing negativity!

Fiercely Sensitive

Isn't it time to get your fierce on?

We aren't meant to suffer, loves. We're meant to learn to stand in our light and lead fiercely with our huge, compassionate hearts! Get the skills and shifts you need to shine brightly and create impact!


Ask Lindsay episode #1

In this episode of the Ask Lindsay series, Intuitive coach Lindsay answers questions about sensing the feelings of a spouse, about always staying positive, and about how to deal with living with argumentative roommates. Whether it’s romance, to career, to what to do when you’re in the dumps, Lindsay’s got the answer for the intuitive or sensitive living the not-so-sensitive world!


The Recap:

Yes, one can sense a spouses emotions, and even take on your spouses emotions and pains. But it depends on how and what you are receiving if it’s empathy or telepathy, emotions or thoughts, or a mix of both. But if people are arguing, and not giving you a peaceful place to live, IMHO, get out! And don’t make comparisons, they aren’t healthy when you don’t understand the full context of another’s person’s choices!!

Got it?

If you watched the video, then all that makes sense to you!

What is your best advice? Leave it in the comments below!

How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

how can I be less emotional?


Dear Lindsay,

I recently discovered that I’m an empath. I always thought something was wrong with me, how my mood changes when someone walks in the matter where I am and how water calms me, I can feel others moods and the list goes on. How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

–Whirling Emotions


Dear Whirling Emotions,

I’m so glad to answer this question. I’m not sure an empath can actually be less emotional, but we can grow in our understanding of what we are experiencing and why. We learn to tell the difference between what we are feeling (the important stuff) and what other’s are feeling (the not so essential stuff to us). That understanding alone can help us to feel less emotionally reactive to all the external stuff. And there is a a lot more external stuff that will trigger us.

First off, I want to explain that if we begin reacting to another’s emotions, it’s because we have already received some kind of information from them, either through body language, intuitions, or sheer empathic connection. Part of understanding the information comes from recognizing that we empath’s have a natural tendency to “read” everything that comes into our field of vision or awareness. We seem to be naturally curious, whether it’s for reasons of compassion or self-preservation, and so we by default and without real conscious thought read…and there for pick on, anything that comes our way. So the first step to getting a bit of control is to being to be aware of when you are reading into someone or something.


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My emotions are a super secret power!


The goal understanding our “reading into” ability is to become proficient enough in knowing when you are reading and picking something up to make the conscious choice to continue or not. If you realize you are reading into something, you will be able to come to a point where you can say, “It’s not my business, this person isn’t confiding in me simply by walking into the room.” I can almost guarantee that this person never consented or wanted to be read, just because they walked into a space you were in. This simple technique can cut out most unintentional re-activeness. “This is not my business” is an excellent mantra for this stage of empathic awareness. You and the other person will definitely know when the read should happen, so that means you don’t actually NEED to delve into the energy of others on a daily basis. Only when it was meant to be!

Do not for an instant, believe that using “not my business” makes you less caring or mean. To the averagely sensitive person, we are almost always over-caring.  So learning to mind our own empathic business, simply allows us to have some sort of normalcy. This, in part, is what people mean when they say you need to work on your boundaries. Additional boundary work might include being able to say “no”, and learning different ways to disengage when you are pressed for something.


My emotions are a super secret power! Click To Tweet


The other thing that sensitives and empaths do when they read into another’s energy and emotional state is they mirror what they perceive. Most times for the beginner, it happens so fast and naturally that we assume a negative or angry personal spread their negativity to us! As if it were some kind of plague! But our mood shift happened because saw something we recognized in the other person’s state of being, like how we start speaking with an accent when we hear it.  While our mind might come up some good reasons as why we should be angry once we feel it, the original emotion we mirrored really isn’t authentic to us. 

Most times I can recognize an emotion I’m mirroring by stopping and asking myself “who do I sound like?” and “Do I really, actually believe all that?”  A mirrored emotion isn’t something we can process and deal with, like our own emotions. It’s a patterning we picked up from an external source, and the energy and emotions ricochet around your system until you can release it. I still pick up panic-worry patterns from my mom. A few days after I see her when she’s worrying, my mind has concocted a bazillion reasons why I should feel panicked or worried….”what did I miss??” But when I catch something in my mind that sounds like it came from my mom, I can release it and re-center back into what I actually think and feel. 

Dealing with just my own emotions is challenging enough. Having to try to deal with emotions triggered by mirroring or reading into things, makes emotional mastery seem impossible. It’s time to cut down the amount of work and pressure we’re putting on ourselves. But the cultural “rule” that we HAVE to care and know what everyone is feeling and thinking or we’re mean, bad, or insensitive is a modern concept. It’s not something we can actually accomplish either. There is no way to prevent someone from getting upset or insulted, no matter how sensitive we are. It’s their choice. Their emotional reaction and reflection of their beliefs and blocks. It’s not our job to heal everyone, and if we are getting hung up on that “rule”, it’s more guilt and ego talking than soul guidance. It’s our job to heal ourselves, tend our light, and shine brightly.

Here are some of questions I use to help get back into emotional center

emotional mastery checks


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