How to know if you need some boundary work

Do you even have any idea what your boundaries are?


For Empaths and Intuitives, sometimes boundaries can be a tricky issue.  If you are stuck in caregiver, fix-it, or ultimate healer mode, then most likely your boundaries can use some strengthening. 

For me boundaries are the edges of our comfort zone, the space where our natural resilience or place of power rests. When we go through a dark night, period of low vibe, or even depression, our boundaries are going to be low as well. We won't have the natural buffer or tolerance for tackling challenges. But when are feeling good, flowing, and high-vibe, we can take more on and get more stuff down. Boundaries are directly related to how we feel!

Here are some common misconceptions about boundaries:

  • They are static, never changing: We change our minds and hearts many times in life. Our boundaries and comfort zones changes as we do. What might be a real problem for us, can see easy-peasey to deal with in our 30's. 
  • There is always one fixed boundary to hold: That is an ideal, not reality. Each day we wake in new situations, new energies, new circumstances. We can't expect our boundaries to always be in the same place, much like we can't always count on our emotions being in the same place. We have to learn to lean to what feels flowing and comfortable each day, and seek to expand a little outside our comfort zone when we're feeling a little contracted or it feels like our energy has shrunk.
  • Boundaries keep us safe: This is much like thinking a magick wall or bubble of energy will actually stop bad guys from hurting us. It doesn't work like that on this physical plane. Boundaries, like our emotions are signal for when we are in and out of comfort zone, no more, no less. It's important information to have, but it's not all that a lot of books about psychic protection make it out to be. 

Here are some quick tips to know if you need boundary work!!

How to know if you need more boundary work


You need boundary work if:

You feel overwhelmed

You need boundary work if:

You feel rushed or pushed to make a decision or response.

You need boundary work if:

You feel attacked, defensive, like someone is trying to blame, judge, or push their energy or opinion on you.

How to work with your boundaries:

  1. Recognize you are getting some boundaries signals.
  2. Identify what is being triggered in you, what emotions are you mirroring? What is the cause or fear you or the other person is reaction?
  3. Ask yourself whether you agree or disagree with the line of thought, conclusion, or judgment. Is the fear based on any facts whatsoever?
  4. Give their fear love, give yourself love, and bless the situation around their fear. Remember it might not be yours to fix, but if you can show them you understand their fear, you can usually diffuse the knee-jerk reaction taking place.

expand your boundaries


This technique works because it raises our vibe and keeps us from absorbing the other person's emotions, reality, and/or fear. Our boundaries get triggered because we feel we are about to lose something, our time, our energy, our sense of comfort. Most times we have a knee jerk reaction to that kind of thing. But if we can come into awareness about what is happening, we can center back into our comfort zone and start to expand our boundaries so we can handle more. Being able to receive more in life is one of the keys to manifestation that can accelerate your dreams!!!

Being open and an empath Part 2: What to do instead of shielding

How can you flex those love muscles?


In the previous section of this article series, I had asked my empath, intuitive, and sensitive readers why they were shielding and if that shielding was what was really best for them. What I heard my readers and clients saying was that they had reached a point of overwhelm and/or trauma and couldn’t handle the extra stresses related to being sensitive and open. But it doesn’t have to be that way! We don’t have to fear pain or the potential of pain to the point where we shut down as an empath or sensitive.

The average person will go through natural cycles of being open and closed, needing healing and moving forward. But empathy seems to compound these cycles, because empathy taps into the very building blocks of our reality, how the world is being experienced through thought and feeling. While empaths do have to find ways to create a comfortable balance with being social and hermetic, we cannot close ourselves off the world around us.

The most powerful way to create this balance is through raising your vibration. I’ve noticed that many of us will actually attempt to shrink or hide away when faced with stress or confrontation. While I think that is a learned survival instinct, I also think it’s the exact opposite of what needs to happen. Shrinking or hiding pulls one inward, and away from the very thing that will help.

Don’t hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It’s contagious!

Don't hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It's contagious! Click To Tweet

While the world admonishes people who always seem to have their rose-tinted glasses on, a lot of empaths always have rose-tinted glasses on with people and their potential, we can’t help but see it in others. lt’s that Love that will allow us to be both open and protected. I’m sure many of you have already sensed that, which is why we keep trying to “fix” people. But we can’t affect balanced and long lasting healing if we keep moving from out of our powerful centered space. The minute we try to reach our feelers out there or give our energy to another (whether through emotional defense or an actual attempt at healing) we leave our center and leave ourselves that much more in a state of lack. There is a better way.

If we can shift ourselves to a loving space, tapping into Divine Love and support, raise our vibration in that moment we will automatically have a buffer against the heavier emotions. A loving space will also be contagious, it will make people think twice about holding on to what’s holding them down. It will lift you up, energize you, increase your feelings of self and confidence, while also serving a greater purpose. And tapping into Source will automatically expand your energy, you’ll get larger than the problem at hand and more clear about the problem at hand. Truly the best of all worlds for a sensitive or empath!

Your spirit is your true shield. –Morihei Ueshiba

Your spirit is your true shield. --Morihei Ueshiba Click To Tweet


What do I mean about a loving space? I certainly don’t mean pooping rainbows or being hopelessly optimistic.When we are in-center and connected to Source the root of the problem becomes automatically apparent. The answer is always some sort of pain, hurt, or fear of these experiences. The only thing that can cure these things is love. Being in a loving state doesn’t mean we enable others, it doesn’t mean we believe their stories of pain (excuses and crutches). It doesn’t even mean we do anything but listen, believe they are stronger and wiser than they believe, and maybe give them a hug. When you are in that loving state, you will be able to see the pain others clearly. It’s like knowing whether the love lights are on or off in another. Sometimes just showing them the love light in you, will help them figure out how to turn their own love light up.

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