Introduction to shifting hard emotions: Emotional Mastery series

There are so many ideas and myths out there about what emotional mastery looks and feels like, that I wanted to take the time to set some things straight. I'm starting with a little of my story. As we go through this series, we'll take a look at why emotional master is so important, what it really means, and how to begin working with your emotions on a whole new level.

 

In the space of one year my life had almost completely fallen to pieces. I’m not even exaggerating. I spent months on end on the point of breaking. My family was no longer what I thought it was. Forced lifestyle changes killed the business I had had. Court hearings, lawyers, money flying out the door. Then we lost our primary source of income.  I spent months in deep resentment, anger, gnashing my teeth at the world and the various sources of of my angst. I thought I had lost everything, basically, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Very little got better on it's own with time.

There is a point where I realized all my internal feelings didn’t mean squat. Feeling all those feels so deeply every single time they came up didn’t change anything, or if it did change something, it didn’t change for the better. Acting from that pain place never got me the results I wanted or expected. But I still didn’t know how to heal from it, how to let go, how to find comfort and peace within myself from all that had gone askew. All I really knew was that staying in that active grieving/anger stage was going to kill me and everything I loved right along with it.

 

I realized that if I had any chance of creating a life I really wanted to stand up for at some point in the future, then I had to start getting a grip. I knew there was no way to simply stop feeling. The more I was able to simply sit still my pain feelings, the more guidance I heard about that feeling. But now I had two conflicting voices in my head. One voice for all the world sounded like “realistic”, if not pessimistic.The other voice sounded like “hope”. I so wanted to resist hope, I didn’t want to set myself for more pain. But I did tell hope, “Maybe. Probably not today, or even this week. But there will be movement on this at some point.”

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even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength

Even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength.

Even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength. Click To Tweet

That "maybe: changed everything. The change wasn’t instant. It wasn’t all healing. But in retrospect, I see is that I was opening the door to deeper guidance. That sense of hope, it wasn’t just another opinion in my mind. It was Divine guidance, an intuitive hit, a precognition of how a potential could play out. I had resisted because I didn’t recognize it as Truth. I thought it was wishful thinking, based on my desire to have everything feel resolved and harmonious again. But it was long-term plan guidance, maybe not today. Things were heading in that direction, maybe not tomorrow, but I have to prepare myself to meet this potential.

 

I also resisted. I thought accepting the situation as it was, would mean that I accepted an outcome I didn't or wouldn't like. I now see perfectly how that was fear talking smack. That knowledge helps me to see how fear might be talking smack in my present. This isn’t about ignoring your feelings or burying them. It’s about being present with them and knowing that you still need to make choices. It’s about being able to say, “if my anger isn’t getting this situation better, what will? And what do I need in order move through this shit, cuz I want to be flowing, not stuck?”

myths about emotional mastery

Being sensitive doesn’t mean we are meant to suffer. Our emotions aren’t meant to weigh us down or rule our lives. They are sacred. They are guidance. But they aren’t the part of you that has to make the powerful, life-changing decisions you need to make in order to rise and grow.

 

It’s time to learn how to fierce and sensitive, true to your feelings, yet ready to create change.

 

As we continue in this series on Emotional mastery, we'll take a deeper look at how our deep feelings are actually the source of strength and personal magick in this life.

An Empath’s quick guide to keeping up with goals and resolutions

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Being self-motivated and going after goals and dreams can be personally challenging. For an Empath, someone with heightened sensitivity to emotional energy, achieving goals can be a labyrinth full of guilt, sabotage, and defeat, more so for than for the average Joe or Jane. The majority of personal goals people attempt to meet are for some sort of betterment of self or life, like losing some weight, getting healthy, increasing income streams, budget management, and so forth. Mainstream goals feel a little more challenging for someone with heightened ability to read, understand, sense, or feel others. These types of goals need a self-confidence, self-worth, self-reliance, and stability which many empaths and sensitives struggle to create and keep up.

By nature of the ability or gift, someone with sensitives focuses outwardly, toward other people. Their sense of self-acceptance and worth, more times than not, end up getting tied to other people, other people’s opinions (criticisms), and the limits implied in those opinions. An Empath will likely take any set back, non-encouraging comments, non-support, and things like this, as extremely personal. Many empaths will default to the opinion that whatever someone else did or said to them was a direct result of something they did. In other words, sensitive people have the tendency to read into other’s comment and opinions and take those comments to heart. Even if the comments were not aimed at the Empath, even if the comments had nothing whatsoever to do with the Empath. It’s simply part of how we filter the world.

So how can an empath or sensitive get through the tougher parts of being self-motivated to reach your goal?

1. Spend just as much time focusing on filling up on self-worth and confidence, as you spend on actually moving toward your goal. Sensitives are more susceptible to the effects of negativity and often have it doubly hard dealing the inner critic we all have, AND the negativity of others. Make sure you are feeding your soul and emotional well-being, like an athlete before a marathon!

2.  Work on your boundaries and shields. You want to be able to objectively respond other’s low energy (without taking that emotion in), but still be able to relate to others in a safe way. It’s a balancing act, but one that will always pay off in the long run when you have some sort of sensitivity, whether you are an empath or general sensitive to energies and sensory input. You want to be able to release what negativity or stress you have or take in, while still being open to enjoying the abundance of the universe. You need to be able to say “no” when you need to, while also being compassionate.

3. Don’t expect support to simply find you. While, ideally speaking, our friends and loved ones should give us the support we need to move forward with our lives, real life doesn’t always work that. Most people are about as supportive as they need to be, to keep you happy with them. But our goals and concerns, aren’t always the goals or concerns of others. Maybe your spouse doesn’t notice if you lose a few pounds or change your hair. Their self-absorption is not your problem. In fact, it’s common. More common than many empaths are willing to admit.  This self-absorption doesn’t necessarily mean anything personal about you. Don’t beat up your significant other with guilt card because they are being who they are or interested in their own life.  They are being an averagely-empathic person, and not a super or hyper empathic person like your yourself. Go out and join goal groups or groups pertaining to your particular goal, where you can talk to others and talk about your challenges. Sometimes you need to create your own support opportunities. You can even create your own online group!

4. Make sure your goals or desired destination feelings are not tied to someone’s approval or reaction. If you want to feel sexy, that’s fabulous. But if you want to feel sexy so that you are more attractive to your spouse or boyfriend, so you can have more intimacy….then you’re going after two different goals and mixing things up. If you’ve felt frumpy and want to spice up how you feel, that is one whole goal within and of itself. It is a good goal, one that is achievable, realistic, and motivating.  But to have your goal success measured by whether or not a significant other recognizes your hard work is setting yourself up for failure or hurt. Never do for others what you won’t do for yourself! It’s your happiness, your health, your well-being on the line.

5. Never ever believe other’s goals and concerns are more important that your own. In almost all cases you, your safety, and your well-being come first. Just like it does when the flight attendant tells you to put your oxygen mask on before assisting others in the case of an emergency. There can be compromises, like offering to help keep someone accountable to their goals, if they offer to help you. Always remember to balance your time and energy with what you are getting back from others. If your support relationship is out of balance, feeling good about helping someone isn’t truly a spontaneous and balanced good feeling, that feeling would be you putting the silver lining on an otherwise deficit-situation. It’s settling.

6. All the little steps along the way need to be aligned with the amazing feelings of our larger goal. Empaths are famous for putting the silver-lining on situations and giving people the benefit of the doubt. But they almost never naturally do this for themselves. Treat yourself like your own best friend and loudest cheerleader. The minute chasing your goal or dream feels like work or struggle, stop what you are doing and find the silver lining again, align yourself with the greater vision of what you are doing, find the bliss to help you get through and overcome resistance. By doing this you are filling yourself back up with confidence and good feelings, the endorphins might even kick in giving the natural endurance to move forward. That is something most empaths desperately need to add to their daily practice!

7.  Follow the bliss! So, today you didn’t get to the gym and now you’re feeling all guilty and worthless. It’s time to resort to your backup plan of turning up the music on some tunes that get you feeling high again and chair dance for an hour. By following the good feelings, you would killing two birds with one stone. You would get moving and active, while also empowering yourself. Backup plans need to high-powered for sensitives, they shouldn’t be based on the least you can do. If you’re resorting to a backup plan, you might already be feeling a little negativity creeping in!

 

 

Take a look at how you’ve been going about going after your dreams and goals, where can you work in these extra tips to help you on track and feeling amazing for doing so?

The last thing I have to tell you, is to celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. On a daily basis, most people don’t do enough of that. It is so important because while we might love the goal we are aiming, it is in the journey that we truly live our dreams. Once we have achieved the goal, we will make more, dream more, give ourselves more permission. The process will begin once more. So keep your journey light on your shoulders, powerful in your heart and mind, and full of joy!

Don’t muddle with your Empathy or Sensitivity, get a copy of Dreamcasting for you are your soul SiStar!

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