How to Stop Absorbing negativity

How to stop absorbing negativity

My whole approach to psychic self-defense is a bit inside out from what you might used to hearing. 

While most sources will say that you need to begin building shields and incorporating filters into your energy system in order to win the battle against negativity, I think shields and filter are more detrimental to our well-being than they help. Shielding is based in fear level thinking. It presumes we have to live behind a wall in order to be able to deal with the world, that somehow “out there” there is a horrible, dangerous, poisonous world which must be avoided at all costs. Perhaps you don’t view the whole world this way, maybe there are just some people out there that are hateful and full anger, and you don’t want to catch what they have. But it separates us, it allows us to keep believing that we CAN be separate from each other, that we are not already in “oneness” or parts of a whole.

only the light exists


Now I mention shielding here not because it’s the only answer to negativity, but that it seems to be the most common. I’ve already written about it shielding, and you can see that article here, so let’s focus in on why we absorb negativity in the first place. We do “absorb negativity” for the same the reasons we think we need to shield, but for different ends.

We absorb negativity for  two reasons, sometimes single, sometimes in combination:

  • We are acting of base insecurity in self and lack of enough-ness, “I need to be healer so I must bear this pain”, or even “If this person can’t be happy, then I shouldn’t appear happy either,” “people might think I don’t care”, or “I deserve to live with this mess because it’s all that ever seems to be attracted to me”. Or even simply, “maybe they are right and I am messed up.”



  • We are trying to heal by taking something away from another. We treat emotional pain as if it’s a broken toy we can fix or replace and then give back to someone, so they feel whole and new again. But we never really “take” or “absorb” something from someone else. Like trying to save a drowning person, we dive right in with them or physically try to haul them out of their predicament. In either case, we leave our place of centered and power. But we cannot fix people in that way. We might be modeling a healing process of technique, but everyone must always heal themselves, we each must make the choice be whole. As empaths, we are incredible emotion mimics, sometimes to the point we think it’s our own natural reaction. 


In the energetic reality, we can never really give another person our energy, nor can they take our energy. Each one of us is a being of infinite light and energy living within a reality of infinite light and energy. But in conflict, what we perceive as having energy stolen from us, is when we agree with the other person that we are most likely less than who we really are. In that agreement, even if subconsciously, we disconnect, shrink, contract, from the fullness of our Divine selves. When we contract, we experience a sense of disconnection and energy loss. But it was never the other person who stole energy. The other person, believing they are on a roll, believing in their righteousness, is expanding their energy. Not because they took it from us, but because they are simply allowing more energy to bolster them, because they believe they are justified. The problem lies in what we believe about ourselves in that moment.


We have every right and responsibility to stand in and for our light and love

We have every right and responsibility to stand in and for our light and love. Click To Tweet


What works the best is being whole unto ourselves, having our soul-centered and welcome in our bodies. When we come into a high energy state we tend to see the world a little differently, and not through the lens of our pain and judgments, as we usually do. Instead, of experiencing the emotion with them, we see the pain in others, the root of their behavior. And like a mother seeking to soothe a hurt child, our fields expanding, we channel pure love. And this energy has a weight and field all it’s own, and it is impenetrable by darkness.

Here’s a quick little video I made all about how to stop absorbing negativity!

Fiercely Sensitive

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Being open and an empath Part 2: What to do instead of shielding

How can you flex those love muscles?


In the previous section of this article series, I had asked my empath, intuitive, and sensitive readers why they were shielding and if that shielding was what was really best for them. What I heard my readers and clients saying was that they had reached a point of overwhelm and/or trauma and couldn’t handle the extra stresses related to being sensitive and open. But it doesn’t have to be that way! We don’t have to fear pain or the potential of pain to the point where we shut down as an empath or sensitive.

The average person will go through natural cycles of being open and closed, needing healing and moving forward. But empathy seems to compound these cycles, because empathy taps into the very building blocks of our reality, how the world is being experienced through thought and feeling. While empaths do have to find ways to create a comfortable balance with being social and hermetic, we cannot close ourselves off the world around us.

The most powerful way to create this balance is through raising your vibration. I’ve noticed that many of us will actually attempt to shrink or hide away when faced with stress or confrontation. While I think that is a learned survival instinct, I also think it’s the exact opposite of what needs to happen. Shrinking or hiding pulls one inward, and away from the very thing that will help.

Don’t hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It’s contagious!

Don't hide behind a shield. Raise your energy! It's contagious! Click To Tweet

While the world admonishes people who always seem to have their rose-tinted glasses on, a lot of empaths always have rose-tinted glasses on with people and their potential, we can’t help but see it in others. lt’s that Love that will allow us to be both open and protected. I’m sure many of you have already sensed that, which is why we keep trying to “fix” people. But we can’t affect balanced and long lasting healing if we keep moving from out of our powerful centered space. The minute we try to reach our feelers out there or give our energy to another (whether through emotional defense or an actual attempt at healing) we leave our center and leave ourselves that much more in a state of lack. There is a better way.

If we can shift ourselves to a loving space, tapping into Divine Love and support, raise our vibration in that moment we will automatically have a buffer against the heavier emotions. A loving space will also be contagious, it will make people think twice about holding on to what’s holding them down. It will lift you up, energize you, increase your feelings of self and confidence, while also serving a greater purpose. And tapping into Source will automatically expand your energy, you’ll get larger than the problem at hand and more clear about the problem at hand. Truly the best of all worlds for a sensitive or empath!

Your spirit is your true shield. –Morihei Ueshiba

Your spirit is your true shield. --Morihei Ueshiba Click To Tweet


What do I mean about a loving space? I certainly don’t mean pooping rainbows or being hopelessly optimistic.When we are in-center and connected to Source the root of the problem becomes automatically apparent. The answer is always some sort of pain, hurt, or fear of these experiences. The only thing that can cure these things is love. Being in a loving state doesn’t mean we enable others, it doesn’t mean we believe their stories of pain (excuses and crutches). It doesn’t even mean we do anything but listen, believe they are stronger and wiser than they believe, and maybe give them a hug. When you are in that loving state, you will be able to see the pain others clearly. It’s like knowing whether the love lights are on or off in another. Sometimes just showing them the love light in you, will help them figure out how to turn their own love light up.

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