At the beginning of this year, I should have been suffering massive overwhelm. I had been in the middle of a huge business mindset class, beginning to re-brand Super Secret Powers, keeping up with all the daily stuff, and traveling to an hour (both ways) 3-4 days out of the week to visit a loved one in the hospital. My relationship to overwhelm before that time had been one of sulking resignation. Being sensitive, I took on my own overwhelm and the overwhelm and frustration around, making any period of overwhelm absolutely miserable for me and everyone around me. I always seemed to hit a chunk of overwhelm and slowly grind to halt and hating on the fact that, yet more thing, didn’t work out. It didn’t matter how excited I had been about doing something, the moment I hit a bit of friction in the journey to get something done I took it as a signal that it was’t going to work out. After years of stress and worry and craziness, I think I have finally nipped overwhelm in the butt!!!
Now overwhelm can be overwhelming and there are a few different ways one can feel overwhelm, so for this post let’s just talk about the ack of too many things and not enough time. You might hate me for this post, rail against me saying “that coach doesn’t understand my life, it’s complicated!” But bear with me, I didn’t think this mindset would work when I first heard it either. So let’s do this quick, like pulling a band aid off!
Overwhelm is a total and utter lie we tell ourselves when we are experiencing self doubt. Click To Tweet
It’s when we are saying:
- I don’t think I can do this
- I don’t know if I can handle this
- How I am supposed to do all this
The thing all these statements have in common is that they are focused on some aspect of not knowing and doubt about enoughness. We experience these doubts when we aren’t sure we have enough, are enough, or can be enough do deal with life according to our expectations. It’s a clarity problem and it’s an expectations problem, and rarely doesn’t it say or mean anything about our intrinsic value (not matter what our wounded egos are freaking out about). Our intrinsic value has nothing to do with the things we are unclear about. We are not unlimited beings, we’re mortal after all, but we are Souls connected to Divine Source. For me this came to a huge realization that when it came to mindset and HOW I was capable of being, that I was only as limited as my mind (wounded ego or 8 yr old inner me) told me I was. I still had the same 24 hours, after all. Nothing about time had changed from one day to the next. Only my thinking had changed.
I believe that emotions are signals our soul uses to tell when we’re in center and of center, in sync with the world or out of sync. Overwhelm is certainly a signal of being out of center and out of sync. But I don’t think I was interpreting it the right way before, I think I was taking it way too personally (which is a hallmark trait of a sensitive person, btw). Overwhelm wasn’t/isn’t telling me or you that we need to stop what we’re doing, it’s asking to get more clear on the “why” of it all. I was committed to seeing these things through. In my case, I didn’t have the option of not doing these things. I spent the money for the class. I chose to make my loved one a big priority. I knew needed to make some changes to how I was going about business building. I was committed. If you’re not committed, then it’s to figure out what it is you CAN commit to and believe we can find a way through. If you are not committed to one end point or another, then no amount of good why’s is going to get you much further. Overwhelm asks to dig deeper, to go into some uncharted or maybe a little scary emotional waters. It asks us to explore our actual capabilities, not just what we think we are capable of. That takes a sense of committed to the adventure of the journey before us to navigate in a emotionally healthy way. One can play commitment leap frog to begin making progress, giving a little faith, a little attention to one small commitment, to see where it goes. But in order to overcome more weighty obstacles, one needs to build up the commitment steam and momentum before they give the big hill a go.
And it helped to get really really specific about what it is that we’re feeling lacking over. Is it really time? Or is it space to breathe and think? Is it about actually doing something, or is it a fear of getting frustrated and further into overwhelm? When we are in overwhelm we are not getting or giving ourselves the time and support we need in order to be in a good place to deal with the tasks ahead. The whole cycle of overwhelm is based on doubt, but then as we decline in feeling well, because we’re so stressed out, we take that some sort of sign.
Overwhelm was never meant to be a stop or slow sign. We don’t necessarily need to “do less” or even “simply”.
For me, during that really intense period back in January, I doubted that I pull it all off without getting sick, without stressing out, and without freaking out. I took the time to figure out what needed to improve to make my fears and doubt a non-issue. I was afraid of getting sick (and therefore being miserable) so I got more serious about my supplements and wellness routines (couldn’t have done any of it without my essential oils). So now I had the energy to tackle what I needed to tackle, but there were lingering doubts of how I wouldn’t let irritability or fear insert it’s control. I had to really sit back and set some large core desired feeling state goals for this time period. In all the traveling and reinvention of my business, I wanted it feel joyful and loving. I needed to be on the ball for the visits, for the class, for the homework, and for the dreaming into what my new messaging could be. I knew those were my focal points, but I knew I didn’t want to push way through them either. Sure some stuff got put on back burners and I was tired after long and full days, but with my wellness and feelings of security and joy in the forefront, that whole crazy period felt magickal. And it wasn’t the arrangement of appointments, the weather, the little actions that happened that made that time “good” or “bad”. What made the difference was that I recognized what I felt was missing, the things in me that doubt was speaking to, and built a better self care routine, to that I had the energy, emotional space, and clarity in order to keep moving forward.
There is also a lot to be said about acceptance in this. When I knew how I wanted to feel during this, I was able to drop the pity me kind of stories that might have put up resistance to being open and flexible. Staying in joy, also meant that I needed to untroubled, in a state of receptivity to the what the moment brings. And in that I also saw how each and every moment, the only place we actually LIVE from, is the perfect place to be, to begin from, to say YES to. It would only be my fears and self doubt that made me think that each moment is not part of the flow of all that is around me, that I was somehow out of sync. And that is the lie we all believe from time to time, that we are not part of the whole. When really all we need is to believe we are and find a way to support our direct knowing and experience of this infinite potential.
For a few years now I have been struggling to realize my dreams for my business. Around last November I signed up for a course from the Amazing Shirly Joy Weiss where I was learning and re-learning how access my own Divine wisdom and use it to really refine my business process and understanding of my offerings. For most the program I struggled to really ground the Divine Awesome Woo Woo messages down to something, like what to say in a newsletter or Social Network post.
It was those little things that I really off about. And I would hear the wisdom asking me to just keep calm, keep in center, keep up the daily practice of opening, filling up on source, asking, and listening. I knew in my heart that I was going somewhere with all of this, with rummaging around my creative process to find the right words, the right sentiment, the right…well, any sort of inspiration.
One of the first things Shirly talked to me about was staying in center. And my too-literal-at-times brain, said “got it. I’ll sit right in my deep center and I’ll try not move from there.” But as we were asked to do homework and challenges…well, that kind of action was so hard to do coming from a deep, centered, and, in my brain, a seated position. How do you “do” without striving? How to do create action and movement from the still center of being-ness?
The video below, I think, shows a mini-revelation to this predicament. Conditioning the body. Just like an athlete would, but for holding more light, more soul, more YOU. It should never be about moving from center to go and “do” something. It should be about expanding your sense of self, letting in more self and soul, to be expanded enough to encompass what we would like to do.
Sometimes that expansion will take some discomfort, some growing pains. We might have to integrate our “shadow” side or fears in order to gain enough presence to encompass our dreams and goals. And we might be afraid still, but the more we let ourselves into our bodies and into the world, the more clarity we will have of negative thought patterns that need to be healed, and more love for ourselves. As Shirly taught and I have come see clearly, fear and love cannot exist in the same place. The more love we let in, the more love there will be to work from and with. We will have arrived at our dream destination because we have expanded our capacity to love ourselves beyond our old limited thinking of who once thought we were.
Today was a bad day. I can feel the pressure building in my soul. I want to shrink back down to my smaller, less aware, less responsive, less loving self. Like the Edward Gorey’s little characters from Masterpiece theater, I can feel my emotions weeping, fainting, and plotting homicide and sabotage. The balance of the tea I just made myself isn’t quite right, my back hurts, and I’ve received news today that a very tough choice had finally been made. I’ve been working on my vibration, myself, tuning deeply to my soul for a month now, an intensive class of getting straight with myself and my life. And yet, I’m still experiencing bad days and challenging moments. I still have thoughts about running away from it all to an even more secluded cabin high on an even higher mountain (I live in a house in the woods on a mountain already).
But soul knows that’s not really true, none of it really. Soul knows I’m seeking comfort and that I’m afraid. Soul is like “Girl, you are such a drama queen! Now you’re just making shit up to be cranky about!”
Being in clear and flowing connection to Divine, Spirit, and Soul doesn’t mean that things become “perfect” (whatever that is), it only puts us further in touch with who we are and what we’re meant to do in this life. To dig a bit deeper here, is also puts us in touch with who we were always meant to be. So that thing you think you are resisting and can stop your becoming process over. You can’t. You are already on the path, it is already a part of you. And where we start in the process isn’t always the best place, but this present moment is all you have. This is the only moment and place from which you can being to choose and build something different. It is not a bad day, it never was. It has just been a day where I am out of alignment, in fear, of who I am and who I am supposed to be.
We are so all so obsessed, each in our own ways, with progress, success, attainment, having and getting that we forget very easily that we never truly “own” anything. Not our circumstances, not our families, not our love, or even our passion. We only choose it in each and breath. We cannot lose what we never really owned, we can only lose our ideas about it and our judgments about it. Home can be wherever you are. Family can be together even they are not physically together. Your business and reputation can be rebuilt. We aren’t even guaranteed our next breath. We can only choose to love or choose to stay in pain. We can also love when we are in pain.
The Soul discomfort we experience on a bad day is a blessing in that it shows us where are out of alignment with Divine Love. It shows us where we need to dial up the volume on self compassion and love, and our deepest soul desires.That ruffle of doubt, fear, and the like, they aren’t signals to shrink. They are signals to expand, in love, in our sense of self, our very essence. They are they signals that are telling us to start digging deeper, dreaming bigger dreams for ourselves and our lives, and come into an understanding that we are yet more than we ever dared hope or dream.
How will you use these “discontent” feelings to plant some new seeds in your soul garden to nurture?
This is a Power-up series video, 3/3 on the Fear of Failure
What stops you from trying something new, or trying for your dreams? Let’s explore this topic together in my video, where I will ask you some pretty powerful questions!
This is the wrap up video for the week, so don’t forget to watch the first two, if you haven’t been following the series!
And to quote Roosevelt and Francis Bacon ,
“You have nothing to fear, but fear itself!”
Are you ready to start moving forward toward your dreams?
Then book a session with me!
Go to Fear of Failure Index
Catch up on this Power-up series about Overcoming the Fear of Failure!!
This is a part of my weekly power up series. This week we will be looking at some ideas and myths around failing.
Failing is one of my biggest fears. In some circumstances, I won’t even make a commitment to something if I think I won’t succeed in doing it. I won’t even try. I like to think that by giving into that fear that I am being cautious. I also tell myself that I should wait until the exact right circumstances come about, so I won’t have to be afraid of failing. I get caught up in the “I can’t do that” mentality all to easily. But I also know I am not alone!
Earlier this week, I put the question out there this week’s video, “If you were guaranteed not to fail, what would you do?” . I do realize this is a large question, and yes, I am asking to think a little larger than you might on a normal basis. For this week, you might only want to look at the top three or four things you believe you would like to do someday, in order to not overwhelm yourself with the “if” thinking.
With that one thing in mind that you love to try or do, I want you to think about what it means to fail at this one thing. Really take a minute or two and answer yourself these questions. If you are so willing to believe that you cannot do these thing that you want to do, then you should at least know why you believe you can’t. So, what would it be like to fail at this one thing? How could it happen? What would be the consequences?
Now stop, and take a good look at those answers. How much of what you just said was based on your past experiences? How much of those answers were based on your best guess?
Neither one of the frames of reference, the past and guessing, are accurate. They may not be the reality of what will happen. I know that doesn’t make all your hesitation instantly go away. And logically, we can say in just about every situation, well, maybe the past won’t repeat itself. I’m NOT asking you here to ignore your instincts or stuff your fears away though. I’m going to ask you one more question.
Now, if that question made some of those “can’t” beliefs begin to melt, then now is the time to look at coaching! If you are suddenly thinking maybe some of those dream or wishes aren’t quite as impossible as you first believed, then book an Intuitive coaching session with me!
Go to Fear of Failure Index