A story of Grouse Medicine

Grouse medicine

On behalf of October, the thinning veil, Halloween and Samhain, I felt guided to share some stories from personal experience!

First up is a story about opening to spiritual gifts. Pull out a cozy blanket, get a cup of hot chocolate, and let’s pretend we’re sharing stories by the campfire!

 

This month is all about being in action with flow and guidance.

Remember to share your own stories!! You never know who will begin to open to their own gifts, or begin to heal, simply from hearing your experiences!!

 

Read the full-length story below!!


 

It is a cop out to say I was born like this. We are all born like this. Few people do not have stories of knowing who a caller was before the phone began to ring, warning dreams of death or accidents of loved ones, or some type of experience with ghosts, angels, or simply something unknown. Not many of us have the chance to realize the fullness or depth of having gifts though. For some, the idea of having gifts will never even cross their conscious mind. I didn’t truly realize this about myself until I was twenty one.

My realization started with a deck of animal totem cards. I had gotten then on a whim. They felt good to my hands and at that time I was very interested in Shamanism. Every few days I would chose a new card and place it in my student id case. This way I could carry my medicine lesson with me and get to know the cards more intimately. I had my favorites, of course. Eagle was strong and sharp eyed. Cougar was crafty and fierce. Owl and crow were messengers.

About halfway through the school year I got stuck with Grouse. I didn’t really like Grouse. I didn’t understand why I needed to hold on to Grouse’s medicine for such a long period of time. I thought I was already following the life lessons of “Find your rhythm, honor the synchronicity, spiral into your potential.” I was in collage after all, studying what I always wanted to study, and taking life as it was coming. I had even been studying and practicing shamanism. It is almost a needless pun to point out, that I was grousing about Grouse’s medicine. In an attempt to get other messages, I would draw until I got something other than Grouse. This continued until I really got stuck with Grouse as the whole deck, but Grouse, vanished from my night stand.

Months passed and a few times I had become so irked at Grouse that I tore through my room looking for the deck. Each time, the deck remained as lost as it was before. The memory of it would stick in my mind, like a word on the tip of your tongue, waiting just beyond reach to be remembered. Even though I huffed and groused that my deck had been lost, there little I could do about replacing it on my collage budget. Grouse stayed tucked into my id case.

When the end of the school year came, I cleaned from my room from top to bottom. I found my deck of animal totem cards on the bottom of my night stand. This was a place I had cleaned more than several times since I had lost the deck. But the deck sat there, as if mocking me, between a few books at the bottom of my nightstand. I had been through those books and even taken them out of the shelf. I groused even more internally through out the day as I finished cleaning and packing for the year.

I treated myself that evening by going down to my friend’s apartment for some tea and some down time. It was a bit of a ritual for us. You may take that as literally as you like, because for me, life is lived by intention and not necessarily bells and whistles. We lit the candles, had a light dinner, and waited for the brew. She and I crashed on the futon couch while we waited and eventually took in our tea. It was an odd night and my friend had other visitors, of which only she could see. After several trips out West and to a reservation in New Mexico, my friend had managed to acquire the friendship of some deceased Native Elders. The Elders had their stereotypical sense of humor and rarely were things actually calm when they felt they had something to share. Nothing about that was odd to me. I had grown up my friend, so I was used to how she worked and what she could do. But that night her friends were usually particularly antagonistic in their teasing.

That night there was a message for me. I never took their messages with grace, they usually brought out the chip on my shoulder. I groused internally as my friend began to laugh while imparting the message. Because she was laughing and her invisible friends were laughing the message didn’t come through in full, but she repeated what she could make out. The message was something about the Grouse card.

I felt completely deflated. Not only had the deck been mocking me and my efforts to understand, now the invisible Native Americans were mocking my grousing. I sat slumped on the couch, annoyed, and explained to my friend about the grouse card I have been carrying around with me for months. I hadn’t told her the whole story of how I lost the deck and had gotten stuck with one card. My friend laughed even harder. She laughed not simply at me, but also at the commentary, that only she could hear. After they all had their laugh at me, it was time to say good night. I still had to make the trip home the next day.

I stood by my friend’s door, collecting my backpack and sweatshirt, when I heard something. Today I can’t tell you what it was, it had been an inconsequential snarfy comment. But I heard it. My friend once again cracked up laughing. The world seemed to stop in that moment, and stood up and looked at her. I asked her pointedly if they had said what I thought they had said. She agreed that was more or less what she heard. But I had heard it. I had heard their words in way that was not foreign to me. I had a similar internal voice most of my life….or at least I thought it was internal to me….

That moment brought my world to threshold I had never before considered. I now had to consider the fact that that voice that reared it’s head every so often was not simply me making stuff up when I got bored. I had to consider that those times when I thought I was zoning out, talking internally with, what I thought was a completely made up character, was not quite as made up as I had thought. This was something so internal to me, I never thought to tell anyone about. I had thought that this was not an uncommon thing, that it was like day dreaming. This process was so innate to me, that I never questioned how or why it was there.

While I am pointing out here how one instant began a realization, an awakening, process for me, the full course of learning what was real took time. It took some experimentation. To my mind, the largest shock was not really that I had been doing this listening all my life. It was that I had never really been alone. I had grown up being adopted, an only child, in between the ages of my cousins, few friends. I had grown up alone and grown up to like my alone times. The shock of the idea that perhaps I was never really ever alone, so to speak, changed my perspective in ways that are very hard to describe. One of the first things I felt I had to figure out was where I ended and other ways of being began. What was my authentic voice? What was fed to me without me realizing?

I don’t know what took me so long to see things as they are. I don’t know what really got me all blocked up from catching the hint that I was more sensitive than I knew. Today, while sometimes I forget, sometimes I get caught in the melodrama of daily life, there comes a point where I get a slap to the back of the head and askance of why I didn’t ask for help sooner. The world comes back into focus, and the patterns and cycles of things give the sight and knowledge I need to tread the deep waters of life and the strength to live my life on my own terms. My path is mine alone, given to me long ago. Laid forth by ancestors and friends. My path, my wheel of life and medicine, is the only thing that can break me, the only thing that can heal me. It is the only thing that is real. This is the medicine lesson of the honorable brother, sometimes trickster, Grouse. Find your rhythm, honor the synchronicity, spiral into your potential.

May Cause Miracles: Day 5 The F word- Self-Forgiveness

self-forgiveness means showing up for happiness

 

Today I vlogged my thoughts on Self-forgiveness from May Cause Miracles. I have to say, it felt so good to say those thoughts on forgiveness and my experience of Self-forgiveness from a Soul perspective out loud. There was so much ick this last month that could have seriously grounded me. Being an empath and intuitive, knowing things isn’t always my friend.  But being able to forgive myself and my own expectations on myself, meant I was able to fully to commit to what the moment brought me. No judgment of “good” or “bad” about what that moment contained could sway the peace I felt in sensing and knowing that I was where I needed to be.

 

 

What had really shocked me when I began to come into my soulful nature, was that what the Divine and my Guides and Guardians held me responsible for…and what they forgave me for. I had been holding myself up to such high expectations….those expectations had nothing whatsoever to do with how the Divine knew me. They had been purely ego. And being only ego, they melted away when Truth came to be realized. What are you holding yourself to, which may not be True about your nature?  What are you beating yourself up about, that might have nothing to do with you?  What innocent thing are you punishing yourself for?

Self-forgiveness means being able to show up for your happiness! Click To Tweet

 

 

 

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Dealing with high energies like eclipses and retrogrades

Dealing with high energies like eclipses and retrogrades

 

With the high energies from this last week, like many other sensitives out there, I just couldn’t seem to get a grip on myself. Old issues, old words, judgments against myself swirled through my head day and night. And for no particular cause and effect reason. And I was utterly exhausted from the tumultuous night-time forays into my past. I was sorely tempted to be more than a little grumpy.

I will say this upfront I don’t believe the Universe gives us things or circumstances to make us suffer. And I will also say that each of these periods of time have different effects. Listening to resources like Elizabeth Peru or Mystic Mama can give you an idea of the types of themes that might get visited during each of these high energy periods. 

Let’s take a quick example here, Mercury appears to go retrograde every couple of months. It varies in length. Generally speaking, Mercury in retrograde t means there will be less than direct energy in the realms of communication and travel. Does it mean awful things will happen to you? No more than any other time. Does it mean you will get into a fight or miss your flight, maybe. But those could happen at any other time as well. It does mean that if you have issues or triggers around communication you will be given chances to recognize it and clear it. Maybe you need to learn to speak your needs, stand up for yourself, or get clarity on why you always seem to feel misunderstood.

 

 

We are being called to act from our deepest selves, vulnerable, and be in-choice about our decisions. Speak your Truth. Click To Tweet

I know when things seem to go wrong, we want to let our most immediate reaction lead. We want to yell, scream, sigh in frustration, or stomp around the house while we look for our phones, trying to get the car to start, or calling the cable company because the internet is on the fritz.

But I want you to realize something.

Just recognizing this state of off-ness is the point where you need to think about going to take a bubble bath or grabbig a novel, instead of pushing forward with anything serious.

It’s during times, when the whole world seems more chaotic than usual, that we fall back into a bad habits. We think that we have done something wrong, it must be us, maybe we’re being punished. We want to react badly, chuck our good intentions out the window, because we don’t actually believe we are enough, able to cope without falling apart, and/or things won’t go our way unless we make it go our way. But isn’t it funny how the printer always seems to break when we are rushing to get something done or during a retrograde?  Or is that we are already operating under duress and aren’t able to get into a flow state that would help us get around small problems? It’s the thinking, the fear, that is driving this. Planetary bodies can break printers.

Mercury did not come down and take sledge hammer to your printer. Not psychically, not cosmically, not even as an allegory!

 

What I usually find when shifting back to this a Soul-centered state is just how hard I’ve been pushing my agenda on the Universe. I wasn’t in flow, like I thought I was. When we’re coming a low vibe, that pushing or controlling of our flow state actually begins to impair our ability to flow rather quickly. The more drained and discouraged we feel, the more off we get and into fear or insecurity. The further from Soul and center, the faster the downward spiral.

 

But our thoughts and plans that’s all simply expectation and conjecture. Our wounded inner child having a fit because it’s afraid of feeling hurt.  Ego, our potential threat alarm system, doesn’t actually know if there is a threat or not. All it really knows is that we are feeling upset and there must be a reason. So it makes all sorts of guesses as to why that could be. The truth, however, lies in integrating Soul into your daily living and into your problem solving.  Preferably before we take the sledge hammer to the printer!

 

From a higher perspective, the soul perspective, the realm of energy, the first step to healing is always the same. Relax and go back to center. Click To Tweet

 

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And that is the gift of the high energy periods we have throughout the year.  Soul-self is being strengthened so that we can more easily see how we’ve allowed our wounded inner children to run our lives. In the daily grind of things, our connection with Soul can get muddled. During the high energy periods, Soul brought into our awareness. That transition feels chaotic to us because our inner children don’t understand why we can’t give them the reigns again, at least at first. The tantrum our inner children might throw may seem more exaggerated because Soul is trying to put things back into perspective. The gift in these high vibe times, also comes in learning to love into that fear and love our inner wounded child. On the surface this may sound just another call for more self TLC, but this goes deeper.

We have spent many years in self-abusive judgment patterns, layers upon layers of shame and guilt. The high energies times are working to strip away these layers. It might seem uncomfortable, we may get triggered. But once we understand what’s being worked on and what fear-based beliefs challenged, the process becomes more natural. When we are able to love our fears for what they are, simple messages about where we need more love in our lives, then there is no struggle or resistance to these high-energy times. These retrogrades, eclipses, and other astrological events become miraculous and healing.

 

 

Still need more hints and tips about getting centered in High-vibe times? Check out the free workshop!

Am I a sensitive or psychic? What labels do you resonate with?

more than my tiny body

Over the course of my vocation as a soul reader, I have often been asked whether I thought someone was an empath, a sensitive, a medium, or even a psychic.  Ultimately, I greatly dislike that type of question and I rarely give the answer anyone wants to hear. But here’s why.

It doesn’t matter what kind of label you apply to yourself. What matters is how you feel about that label and what you expect that label means to you. It also matters whether or not you are accepting the possibility of having a heightened sense or ability. I am the type of person who would rather avoid all labels, but I also realize that avoiding general labels is nigh on impossible. We need words to talk about what we think, feel, and experience. But I do maintain to all my clients that in end, labels are just words that kind lump some patterns or expectations together. Labels cannot define all of who we are.

Generally speaking, if a person seems open to considering a label like empath, psychic, HSP, or even medium, I encourage their exploration of what that label means to them. If they are in denial, I can usually agree that a label is a label is a label, meaning that it’s just a word. I also ask them to consider that no one label is going to cover it all. There are people who consider themselves Christian Witches no matter how dichotomous that might seem to others. There is no one who can honestly say one is bad or “doing it wrong” if you are both a person who works with the shadow self AND is also happy, or if one a healer AND also experience strong emotions. In the world of spirit is room for “AND thinking”.

So are you a HSP, a psychic, medium, or empath? Only you can answer that with any certainty. I tend to think most people have some kind of innate sensitivity. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything more than recognizing that part of you. But other feel called to only understand that side, but also to align with it as their vocation in life. Sure there are signs, like a certain glow about a high energy person, or even small signs like precognitive dreams or gut feelings. But then again, sometimes the real ability is so innate it’s hard to pin down with talking to another who has similar experiences. It took 21 years, or so, to understand I wasn’t just making up conversations in my head when the house quieted down for the night. For 21 years, it never really occurred to me that other sensitives might also be to tap into the conversations I thought I was making up. But once I knew, I knew. There was no more resistance. No need for external validation. I simply and peacefully knew the truth of it.

I knew I was soul that was highly connected and attuned to the Divine and the Universe. No more, no less. It didn’t come to down what labels with which I was comfortable. The point at which I knew I was more, relied upon being centered into the connection I was just learning I held. I am an entity of energy, who sees and reacts to the energy of other and the world around me. Not only am I larger than my challenges and feelings, I am larger than one label can convey.

No matter which labels you resonate with, make sure you are being YOU, all of YOU!

How do you know you are highly connected to the Divine and the Universe? Tell me how you receive guidance about this in the comments below!!

How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

how can I be less emotional?

 

Dear Lindsay,

I recently discovered that I’m an empath. I always thought something was wrong with me, how my mood changes when someone walks in the room..no matter where I am and how water calms me, I can feel others moods and the list goes on. How can I stay centered, be less emotional?

–Whirling Emotions

 

Dear Whirling Emotions,

I’m so glad to answer this question. I’m not sure an empath can actually be less emotional, but we can grow in our understanding of what we are experiencing and why. We learn to tell the difference between what we are feeling (the important stuff) and what other’s are feeling (the not so essential stuff to us). That understanding alone can help us to feel less emotionally reactive to all the external stuff. And there is a a lot more external stuff that will trigger us.

First off, I want to explain that if we begin reacting to another’s emotions, it’s because we have already received some kind of information from them, either through body language, intuitions, or sheer empathic connection. Part of understanding the information comes from recognizing that we empath’s have a natural tendency to “read” everything that comes into our field of vision or awareness. We seem to be naturally curious, whether it’s for reasons of compassion or self-preservation, and so we by default and without real conscious thought read…and there for pick on, anything that comes our way. So the first step to getting a bit of control is to being to be aware of when you are reading into someone or something.

 

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My emotions are a super secret power!

 

The goal understanding our “reading into” ability is to become proficient enough in knowing when you are reading and picking something up to make the conscious choice to continue or not. If you realize you are reading into something, you will be able to come to a point where you can say, “It’s not my business, this person isn’t confiding in me simply by walking into the room.” I can almost guarantee that this person never consented or wanted to be read, just because they walked into a space you were in. This simple technique can cut out most unintentional re-activeness. “This is not my business” is an excellent mantra for this stage of empathic awareness. You and the other person will definitely know when the read should happen, so that means you don’t actually NEED to delve into the energy of others on a daily basis. Only when it was meant to be!

Do not for an instant, believe that using “not my business” makes you less caring or mean. To the averagely sensitive person, we are almost always over-caring.  So learning to mind our own empathic business, simply allows us to have some sort of normalcy. This, in part, is what people mean when they say you need to work on your boundaries. Additional boundary work might include being able to say “no”, and learning different ways to disengage when you are pressed for something.

 

My emotions are a super secret power! Click To Tweet

 

The other thing that sensitives and empaths do when they read into another’s energy and emotional state is they mirror what they perceive. Most times for the beginner, it happens so fast and naturally that we assume a negative or angry personal spread their negativity to us! As if it were some kind of plague! But our mood shift happened because saw something we recognized in the other person’s state of being, like how we start speaking with an accent when we hear it.  While our mind might come up some good reasons as why we should be angry once we feel it, the original emotion we mirrored really isn’t authentic to us. 

Most times I can recognize an emotion I’m mirroring by stopping and asking myself “who do I sound like?” and “Do I really, actually believe all that?”  A mirrored emotion isn’t something we can process and deal with, like our own emotions. It’s a patterning we picked up from an external source, and the energy and emotions ricochet around your system until you can release it. I still pick up panic-worry patterns from my mom. A few days after I see her when she’s worrying, my mind has concocted a bazillion reasons why I should feel panicked or worried….”what did I miss??” But when I catch something in my mind that sounds like it came from my mom, I can release it and re-center back into what I actually think and feel. 

Dealing with just my own emotions is challenging enough. Having to try to deal with emotions triggered by mirroring or reading into things, makes emotional mastery seem impossible. It’s time to cut down the amount of work and pressure we’re putting on ourselves. But the cultural “rule” that we HAVE to care and know what everyone is feeling and thinking or we’re mean, bad, or insensitive is a modern concept. It’s not something we can actually accomplish either. There is no way to prevent someone from getting upset or insulted, no matter how sensitive we are. It’s their choice. Their emotional reaction and reflection of their beliefs and blocks. It’s not our job to heal everyone, and if we are getting hung up on that “rule”, it’s more guilt and ego talking than soul guidance. It’s our job to heal ourselves, tend our light, and shine brightly.

Here are some of questions I use to help get back into emotional center

emotional mastery checks

 

Being open and an empath: Part 1 What are you shielding from?

 

what are you shielding from

Way back when I began to realize my empathic nature, one of the first things I was told I needed to learn was shielding. After many years of living my own path, I must say this was all the wrong advice for someone with sensitivities and empathy. My empathy and sensitivities are best expressed in terms of openness, flows, ebbs, and signal strength…all ideas and concepts that have little to do with hiding behind an energy barrier.

The more I struggled with shielding:

  •  the harder things would hit me,
  • the less me I was,
  • the less people were able to really help me, because I was becoming more and more disconnected and hidden away.

 

When the anxiety and panic attacks hit, and yes, I do think there was a correlation, it nearly broke me. I was no longer the person who could follow the flow and see where it led. I was barely able to process everything that was being held inside, much less filter or process others. My nerves and sensitivities were rubbed raw and I had no way to buffer anymore because my energy was in such disarray, scattered to the point of almost being non-existent.

The heavier the wall I tried to put in place:

  • the less I was able to get all the good energies I needed,
  • the nuances of psychic hits were lost on me,
  • the more bottled up and overwhelmed I felt,
  • the more my peace of mind and confidence deteriorated.

 

The longer I tried to hold the wall, the longer I spent locking it in place, even holding on to negativity. Because I was shielding based on negative thinking, I was shielding out of fear. All sorts of fear, fear of being hurt, of not being able to recover from yet another painful experience, from the unknown of someone’s reaction, of being completely misunderstood, judged, demonized. From a perspective of fear, shielding makes total sense. But with that came the price of no longer being the free spirit I had been.

There had to be a better balance, than shielding, because I no longer wanted to live in that fear state.

From a perspective of fear, shielding makes total sense. But I don't want to live in fear! Click To Tweet

What I did learn was that negativity won’t kill me. Negativity is going to make it past shields because I’m an empath. I feel the innate wrongness of negativity and so tune it in to understand it better. I’m going to keep seeing in much the same way a teacher notices grammar mistakes. I’m going to want to fix it, heal it, shift it. Especially if that negativity is coming from a loved one, friend, or someone I spend a lot of time around.

don't spend life in a bubble. Crack it and start living.

 

Understanding this tendency and inclination in empathy is important. There will always be choices to make for how we handle ourselves and the input presented to us. But building a wall is like building a dam on a much-needed river. I need that river, my intuitive empathic nature, in order to be able to make the shifts and transformations back to center, my Divine nature…in short for the empathic ability to be used to the fullest extent.

Click to see Part 2 of this article series, where I delve a little further into how being in center and in Divine love is the answer to shielding and fear-based thinking!!

Are you struggling with your abilities and gifts, my intuitive coaching can help stop the struggle!

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