Introduction to shifting hard emotions: Emotional Mastery series

There are so many ideas and myths out there about what emotional mastery looks and feels like, that I wanted to take the time to set some things straight. I'm starting with a little of my story. As we go through this series, we'll take a look at why emotional master is so important, what it really means, and how to begin working with your emotions on a whole new level.

 

In the space of one year my life had almost completely fallen to pieces. I’m not even exaggerating. I spent months on end on the point of breaking. My family was no longer what I thought it was. Forced lifestyle changes killed the business I had had. Court hearings, lawyers, money flying out the door. Then we lost our primary source of income.  I spent months in deep resentment, anger, gnashing my teeth at the world and the various sources of of my angst. I thought I had lost everything, basically, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Very little got better on it's own with time.

There is a point where I realized all my internal feelings didn’t mean squat. Feeling all those feels so deeply every single time they came up didn’t change anything, or if it did change something, it didn’t change for the better. Acting from that pain place never got me the results I wanted or expected. But I still didn’t know how to heal from it, how to let go, how to find comfort and peace within myself from all that had gone askew. All I really knew was that staying in that active grieving/anger stage was going to kill me and everything I loved right along with it.

 

I realized that if I had any chance of creating a life I really wanted to stand up for at some point in the future, then I had to start getting a grip. I knew there was no way to simply stop feeling. The more I was able to simply sit still my pain feelings, the more guidance I heard about that feeling. But now I had two conflicting voices in my head. One voice for all the world sounded like “realistic”, if not pessimistic.The other voice sounded like “hope”. I so wanted to resist hope, I didn’t want to set myself for more pain. But I did tell hope, “Maybe. Probably not today, or even this week. But there will be movement on this at some point.”

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even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength

Even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength.

Even fear and heavy emotions are sources of guidance and strength. Click To Tweet

That "maybe: changed everything. The change wasn’t instant. It wasn’t all healing. But in retrospect, I see is that I was opening the door to deeper guidance. That sense of hope, it wasn’t just another opinion in my mind. It was Divine guidance, an intuitive hit, a precognition of how a potential could play out. I had resisted because I didn’t recognize it as Truth. I thought it was wishful thinking, based on my desire to have everything feel resolved and harmonious again. But it was long-term plan guidance, maybe not today. Things were heading in that direction, maybe not tomorrow, but I have to prepare myself to meet this potential.

 

I also resisted. I thought accepting the situation as it was, would mean that I accepted an outcome I didn't or wouldn't like. I now see perfectly how that was fear talking smack. That knowledge helps me to see how fear might be talking smack in my present. This isn’t about ignoring your feelings or burying them. It’s about being present with them and knowing that you still need to make choices. It’s about being able to say, “if my anger isn’t getting this situation better, what will? And what do I need in order move through this shit, cuz I want to be flowing, not stuck?”

myths about emotional mastery

Being sensitive doesn’t mean we are meant to suffer. Our emotions aren’t meant to weigh us down or rule our lives. They are sacred. They are guidance. But they aren’t the part of you that has to make the powerful, life-changing decisions you need to make in order to rise and grow.

 

It’s time to learn how to fierce and sensitive, true to your feelings, yet ready to create change.

 

As we continue in this series on Emotional mastery, we'll take a deeper look at how our deep feelings are actually the source of strength and personal magick in this life.

Resistance and Intuition: The dance of growth

dance of resistance and guidance

This post about resistance is part of a series about the 4 most common blocks to the staying in the Intuitive State, you can catch up on the whole series here.

In retrospect, I can see so clearly how I created resistance over just about everything that now make me who I am today. From mindset shifts, to lessons about abilities work, to my own worth. I used to say….

That can’t be right!

How could that be?

Maybe in an ideal world.

But I don’t know how to do that?

I’m not sure how that would really help.

That sounds so hard/expensive/drawn out.

I can’t do that.

But that’s not who I am….

But I don’t wanna…..

 

I resisted because what was being presented to me, or rather my idea of that shift, scared me on some level. Perhaps it made me feel like I was lacking in something that made the shift seem impossible. Maybe I feared the backlash of saying something or choosing to approach the situation a certain way. Over the course of my own path there have been things I’ve known I should be doing, confronting, making my stand on, which I was happy to hold far far away from my daily life. I had hope I could get by without having to go there. It seemed like tango between feeling guided and resisting guidance. One moment both sides of me were all over each other, then next guidance was trying to reel my resistance back into the dance.

Sometimes it seems like there is some grand scheme to make us each confront our resisted truths. But then I learned to sit with my resistance and fear. I learned not to let it run away with me, but to sit and see what it is I am actually feeling fear or lack over. Because of this practice, I no longer believe that the Universe or God are some cold authorities out to test us at every step. The reason it seems like the Universe is out to teach us a lesson  is only because we act out of fear, we psyche ourselves out, and allow ego to talk trash to us to the point where simply aren’t even willing to look at what Soul might have been implying. We are constantly being presented Truths and ways to grow, some trigger our emotions and fear more deeply than others. Sometimes change comes naturally, even welcomed. The only difference from a “hard” lesson and an easy one is our perception of what has to change. Of course, there are somethings that just suck. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t begin to see why it’s needed. We might even see how it was the perfect thing for us, even if it made us a little uncomfortable.

Getting to the point where we can even begin to unravel the stories ego came up with can be tricky. Where I used to see this as never-ending of dance of acceptance and rejection of the present moment, I now see it as a birthing process.  When we are finally in alignment and really know, deep down inside, that we must change, we allow pieces of our intrinsic, already existing, potential self, come into our reality bubble.  We are birthing a more integrated version of ourselves, one has stripped away another layer of shadow. Shadow is the boxes we create when we believe ourselves to be shameful, unworthy, broken. In other words, not already fully part of the light. But let’s just face facts, Ego abhors change. Unless we see from the get go that the change we are considering doesn’t have a downside, we’re going to have to deal with Ego trying to butt it’s head into our soul business.

resistance as labor pains

Maybe we stop dancing because of resistance.

In seeing this process as labor pains, we see that our resistance is a very natural pain, a common experience we share, along a larger journey. A lot of times, Ego will go into contractions over the fact that we are moving out of our comfort zone. Sometimes those are contractions are so intense all we can to do is hold on and breathe our way through it. But once we can recognize that the world isn’t falling to pieces or that something is trying to stop you, all that just happened was a birthing pain, you can more easily reorient yourself along the path.

And as a pregnant mother needs extra care and support, so will you, as you allow more of you soul-self into this world! But once begun and committed to, there really is not way to stop the birthing process. Labor pains are the not reason to stop changing, growing. They are the signal the end of this particular journey is coming to some kind of conclusion. Those bouts of resistance are the sign we were looking to tell us to be diligent so we can finish what we started.

The things we resist the hardest are usually the things we need the most to become more whole. Click To Tweet

What that bad day really means

soul-garden-11

 

Today was a bad day. I can feel the pressure building in my soul. I want to shrink back down to my smaller, less aware, less responsive, less loving self. Like the Edward Gorey’s little characters from Masterpiece theater, I can feel my emotions weeping, fainting, and plotting homicide and sabotage. The balance of the tea I just made myself isn’t quite right, my back hurts, and I’ve received news today that a very tough choice had finally been made. I’ve been working on my vibration, myself, tuning deeply to my soul for a month now, an intensive class of getting straight with myself and my life. And yet, I’m still experiencing bad days and challenging moments. I still have thoughts about running away from it all to an even more secluded cabin high on an even higher mountain (I live in a house in the woods on a mountain already).

But soul knows that’s not really true, none of it really. Soul knows I’m seeking comfort and that I’m afraid. Soul is like “Girl, you are such a drama queen! Now you’re just making shit up to be cranky about!

Being in clear and flowing connection to Divine, Spirit, and Soul doesn’t mean that things become “perfect” (whatever that is), it only puts us further in touch with who we are and what we’re meant to do in this life. To dig a bit deeper here, is also puts us in touch with who we were always meant to be. So that thing you think you are resisting and can stop your becoming process over. You can’t. You are already on the path, it is already a part of you. And where we start in the process isn’t always the best place, but this present moment is all you have. This is the only moment and place from which you can being to choose and build something different. It is not a bad day, it never was. It has just been a day where I am out of alignment, in fear, of who I am and who I am supposed to be.

We are so all so obsessed, each in our own ways, with progress, success, attainment, having and getting that we forget very easily that we never truly “own” anything. Not our circumstances, not our families, not our love, or even our passion. We only choose it in each and breath. We cannot lose what we never really owned, we can only lose our ideas about it and our judgments about it. Home can be wherever you are. Family can be together even they are not physically together. Your business and reputation can be rebuilt. We aren’t even guaranteed our next breath. We can only choose to love or choose to stay in pain. We can also love when we are in pain.

The Soul discomfort we experience on a bad day is a blessing in that it shows us where are out of alignment with Divine Love. It shows us where we need to dial up the volume on self compassion and love, and our deepest soul desires.That ruffle of doubt, fear, and the like, they aren’t signals to shrink. They are signals to expand, in love, in our sense of self, our very essence. They are they signals that are telling us to start digging deeper, dreaming bigger dreams for ourselves and our lives, and come into an understanding that we are yet more than we ever dared hope or dream.

How will you use these “discontent” feelings to plant some new seeds in your soul garden to nurture? 

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