Having a vision or a sense of your life purpose can be an amazing thing for your life. But sometimes your work, time, and attention get a lost in translation for the everyday humdrum. But sometimes, having one vision isn’t' enough. Sometimes you need to stand together, by helping to create a vision for your marriage and family too!
Let me set the scene. He comes home from work and goes straight upstairs to change. She's already home starting dinner. At the table, he shares frustrations and stories from work and she tells him about her work friends. They put the kids to bed, clean up and set the house up for the next day. Tomorrow follows similarly. On the weekends maybe they see a movie together, do a little shopping for the house. Maybe they will do something a little special. And so it continues, year after year. They reach middle age and wonder when they got so boring. They both want something more, and each feel a guilty for wanting more than the secure life they built for themselves.
This story could be anyone's and with a few minor tweaks, like maybe in the economic downturn one of them loses their job and they have to scrimp a bit till a new job comes along, it can by your story. Maybe in their midlife revaluation, one of the couple figures they want more than what they have and they cannot get by staying in the marriage. Maybe one of them turns to substance abuse to cut the stress from trying to live a life where they have it all and are responsible for it all. I think just about everyone ends up wanting more in some way shape or form. I think in some way we all reach for our one or two bright and shining stars out there in the universe.
But what would happen if you AND your family were able to stand together and reach for those stars together. Too often, even in relationships, marriage, and family life we feel alone in the crowd. And most time we are so busy taking care of home life and work life, that there no time or space to reach for those stars on your own. If this is your story, then stop what you are doing, and realize you are not alone. What is needed is that your family should be building a vision together, a mission in your collective lives. Just as each of us has a purpose and meaning, each family unit also has a purpose and meaning. Your life and your family life should be aiming somewhere, it should adhere to some sort of greater plan and meaning.
How to create a family or couple's Vision
Take an afternoon or evening and get your spouse or partner for some quality time. Have them these questions:
- What does your ideal life feel like?
- What are you doing in your ideal life?
- If you had all the money in the world, what would your life be like?
- What would you like you have in your life, that money cannot buy?
- What does success look like to you? What would you need to feel successful?
- What does security mean to you?
- What is your lifelong dream?
- What are the three most important or powerful things to improve your family life right now?
- What would make you happy to come home to or be at home with everyday?
- What does money mean to you?
- What are my top priorities for using our money?
- How do we want our home to feel?
- What chores do I feel I can contribute?
- What chores are left?
- How will set our family schedule?
- How will we keep everyone on the page about the schedule?
- What can we do spend quality time together? Not just handing around house time, but real quality time.
- What would be the next step for our family?
- What can we do to prepare ourselves for that step?
- Do you have any special needs or concerns (food, private time, a separate room for yourself, etc...)
Take the time to answer to these questions separately and then put all the data together. Treat it fairly, after all these are the feelings, hopes, and dreams of your loved ones! See what matches, see what doesn't match. Now it's time to put into action.
- Are there some goals or desires that are more couple orientated than family orientated? Sometimes it's good to have both a vision for being a couple AND a vision for being a family.
- Are there some goals that look as if one person has to do most of the work to get there? If so, then this should be considered part of their own personal vision for life, but the family should include some kind of goal or intent statement that will support all members of the family being able to reach for their dreams and goals.
- Not all goals have to big and complicated, sometimes achieving a family goal might just take adjusting the schedule a bit or spending a little extra quiet time together do something you all like to do.
- Make it fun!! Get pieces of poster board or a post it note presentation board (the kind with the peel of pages) and get creative!! Give everyone a chance to add something to the board!
- Make a copy of your plan and family vision that you can display some place where everyone can see it!
Review your family vision at least once a year to keep it up-to-date, like maybe on new year's eve (start a new tradition?)!
Need a little help with the vision for your marriage or home life? Book an intuitive life coaching session with me today!