10 Relationship and Marriage Myths

LOVE-350x262This article about relationship and marriage myth was actually hard for me to write! I really don’t like talking about relationships. When I talk about relationships with client, I know I am opening up a can worms that just can’t be closed back up. Relationships and our beliefs about them are some of our first experiences in life and go right to the core who we think we are and what we are worth. Despite some the harsh tone of this rant this post is not anti-marriage or anti-relationship or even anti-family. In fact, I consider myself a great advocate of these things, which is probably why I want to make sure we are clear about how we are entering into and acting in our romantic relationships.


Because I am speaking from a holistic perspective on life, I take the stand in saying that a romantic relationship is not the penultimate thing to which we should be aspiring. Healthy people have the ability to all sorts of healthy relationships, not just romantic ones. And how we learn to have romantic and any other types of relationships is something so deeply entrenched in our hearts, minds, bodies, and energies that so many times our own issues are hidden for ourselves.


But let’s get the hard part over with, let’s explode some myths about romantic relationships!


Myth #1: We haven’t had one fight so far and I can’t imagine disagreeing with my partner!

Relationships are by their very nature not easy. The closer you get to someone, the deeper enmeshed you become in their lives, the more complicated it gets. Think of your relationship with your parents, your siblings, your extended family, and your friends, and now times that pressure by two, because of the sexual or potential sexual aspect of a romantic relationship.


Myth #2: My partner is so romantic, they make my heart race, they must be the “the One”!

Like everything else in life, romance has it’s time and place, it has it’s own ebbs and flows. It can never be forced. Additionally, the varieties of romance each person prefers is never usually the same as another person’s in any given moment or phase of life. Candlelight dinners, kinky play, cuddling, long walks, sky diving, long and short trips can all be romantic to someone at some point. The devil is in the details of being responsive to your partner in the moment, instead of clinging to an ideal or idea of what you think romance is. Communication is crucial to romance, as we cannot read each other’s minds and may not know what our significant others need or want on a given day.


Myth #3: I’m going to marry my partner, and buy the house, and have the kids and everything will be just great!

The minute you start believing that ALL couples should do this or that is the moment you step out of your own relationship and begin trying to live someone else’s life. The minute you start believing in someone else’s time frame is the minute you begin to distance yourself from the relationship you have in the present. Just because so and so did this in a certain amount of time or made a certain choice, doesn’t mean you will get the same results if you try to force the same thing to happen in your present relationship.


Myth #4: My life will be complete when I find love.

True love will not magically make all your problems disappear or even bearable. While it can help to have someone to whom you can turn to for support, having two heads invested in a problem is not always what is needed or easiest. My husband quips, when there are two people in a room, there will be at least three opinions. I usually argue there will be more than three; Your opinion, your significant other’s opinion, your parent’s opinion, your significant other’s parents opinion, and well I could continue, but you get the point. I can say you will feel your life is full…full of other’s people’s bullshit, but I cannot say that you will feel complete from this situation. Feeling complete is something you feel internally and does not come from another person.


Myth #5: My perfect partner will understand me perfectly and want to hear all my emotions and dreams.

Ummm, no. Remember how just the other day you were feeling annoyed and put upon when you had to listen to someone dump their emotions on you? Yeah…this myth is kind of the same thing, but instead of recognizing the FACT that we are all human and all interested in our own lives more than anything else, it tries to make love into this thing that will always accept you as you are and never require you to grow, adapt, or evolve. Because along with the presumption that only people who love us will be in tune with us, this kind of thinking also will tempt you to invalidate other relationships, either because they understand you better than your partner understands you (which might make your feel like your partner is less than perfect in your mind), or because you will feel no one will be able to understand you as well as your partner does (which is actually a form co-dependency).


Myth #6: It’s okay, my partner and I have an open relationship.

This myth always cracks me up. I’ve even heard it touted that only mature relationships can handle sex being for gratification and so having sex outside the partnership, when mutually agreed upon, is healthy. I am certainly not saying that one person will always and continually fulfill all your needs, because that is just as untrue as sex not mattering in the equation at all. Energetically speaking, sex always matters because you are sharing part of your energy and life force with someone else, even if you never planned on calling them again or had to pay for that experience. Sex matters and so does loyalty and respect. Sex in the context of a continuous relationship does not go without the other two things because of the issue of TRUST. While sure, you may both begin this little experiment trusting each other. But when you stop talking about what each of you is actually doing, any form of trust you had is ready to fly right out the door because when it comes down it, unless you’re agreeing to be in that room, you will never know what was said or done. You will never know if you have been lied to, and doubt can creep in so quick you didn’t even recognize it until you start acting all crazy and possessive. Why would you put yourself through that? Why is this an easier compromise to make than being responsive to what your partner likes?


Myth #7: I will have the perfect relationship when my significant other gets their life together

Relationships only require problem solving if you presume there is something wrong the relationship to begin with. If people are not PERFECT, then relationships are not PERFECT and can never really be. No one is going to change just because you said so, unless you’re holding something over them. Which is so far from a “perfect” relationship, that if you don’t get this paragraph, you better take a deep and long look at what you expect from others, lest you put yourself through yet another dramatizing round of disappointment.


Myth #8: My significant other is my reason for living.

Our culture, which is predicated on the fantasy of romantic love, posits that once you meet “The One,” you will be lifted out of your sorry miserable life and put you into a state of perpetual happiness and that you and your partner should then dedicate your lives to maintaining and fulfilling that state of being. BUT, in reality you would need a continuous drip of love-inducing endorphins in order for this myth to even close to reality. Or you are co-dependent upon other people’s approval, love, affection, and/or attention for your existence to be meaningful or good. That feeling of new love is high, like going down the big hill of a roller coaster. We cannot exist in that state indefinitely. It’s like living on adrenaline. Given enough adrenaline will end up killing you, so why would you want to live your entire life that way?


Myth #9: Getting married will only bring us closer!

If there is already a dysfunctional energy exchange, read this as problem in the relationship, then planning a ceremony to make your union legally binding is probably one of the worst things you can do. Adding the layer of your relationship of being financially and legally bound to someone only adds a whole other layer of pressure to a relationship. If there are already weaknesses in the relationship, the added pressure, will only split the fractures more. Rarely does anyone, step up and begin to fly right simply because they have a piece of paper and a joint bank account.


Myth #10: A baby means marriage, and marriage means a baby


This is a sad myth for me. Too many people don’t want to look at their own faults and are willing to try to be a family to a child with someone they are having issues with. They are trying so hard to conform to the idea of the perfect life, hoping that both will begin to tow the line again, because you have both now added more pressure to your relationship. Just as in myth #9, why are you adding more pressure to a situation where there are already weaknesses, hoping against hope that “things will work out”? In certain parts of the world, people don’t have choices when an unplanned pregnancy occurs, so why would put a “shot gun life situation” on yourself or your partner? Choose wisely for yourself and your child.


Of course, there are those who will defy the norm. I’m just saying it’s unrealistic to think you will be one who will defy that norm by maintaining of the above myths without having done a lot of self-discovery and self-work and having a partner who is equally committed to saying “yes” to your relationship every morning. But this in and of itself will put more pressure on your partner to ensure that you have this illusion intact.

Like any other relationship in your life your romantic relationship(s) should be based in mutual truth, trust, compassion and respect. I would argue that a romantic relationship headed towards marriage absolutely needs those things in order to thrive when the couple lives together and lives a full life together with up and downs, bills, work, and family pressures.

Keep your eyes open for the “ready for a relationship checklist”, which is a play off these myths meant help people who are looking for a relationship and those who already have a romantic relationship and want to make sure they have the best relationship for them and their partner.  Did you know that couples can do life coaching too, not just individuals? Contact me to find out what couple’s coaching is all about!

The big relationship killer! A primer on the energy of relationships


So what on Earth does energy have to do with the biggest relationship killer??  Find out my biggest secret behind healthy and loving relationships in this podcast or video. Either podcast or video is about 18 min long and is easy to fit into your hectic life and grab and go with your favorite mobile device!



Here’s my podcast all about the energy of relationships!

If you need the text from this episode download the transcript here!

My Secret to Radiance and the Law of Attraction — video and podcast

imagesTake a in depth look at radiance, the foundation of your power and desire machine, your positive energy practices! But filling up your power and guidance core is more than just filling your life with self-help tools or techniques for relaxation and meditation. It’s about making time in your day to check in with yourself to see where you are and where you want to be.  How are you going to tap into your radiance?


I’m jazzing things up a bit this week.  This week’s video is short and to the point, I’m trying keep things simple for you and me both and make sure I’m having fun with my content, so that you will have fun with! I wanted my work to be RADIANT! Let me know what you think in the comments below!!

First is the podcast, which this week has the actual content. You can listen to it from this page or download the audio file!

And here’s this week’s video! It left me with the warm fuzzies, I hope you made you feel the same!

When you are ready to use your radiance to power your life, book an Intuitive Life Coaching Session!


Go back to the Radiance power-up index

Tools and tips for staying in the state of Radiance

This week’s power-ups are going to take a in depth look at radiance, the foundation of your power and desire machine, your positive energy practices! But filling up your power and guidance core is more than just filling your life with self-help tools or techniques for relaxation and meditation. It’s about making time in your day to check in with yourself to see where you are and where you want to be.

We’ve been talking about Radiance, we have naturally also been talking about energy and the law of attraction. Today’s post has some tools and tips to understanding, getting to, and maintaining that state of radiance in your life.

Here’s a little video (a little over 8 minutes) all about the whole concept, in case you need a bit of a primer on the whole concept:


While I do think that meditations alone or affirmations won’t keep you in a state of radiance, your chakras are natural points for radiance in your body and energy systems. It would be remiss of me not to point out that working with your chakra during an exploration of your desires, radiance, and power would be helpful.  After following along with this visual and audio meditation ask yourself: What do I desire to give the world? What do I want for myself and my family and friends? What will allow me realize my wholeness and oneness?


Once you know what you have to do to fill up your system, you have to consider maintenance!

Take a look at this article for how to maintain and clean our your power and guidance core, your SSP fuel system!

Super Secret Powers fuel tank

Your power and guidance core, The Super Secret Powers Fueling system


If you want to commit to a radiant life, to shine forth your light into the world, I would love to help you on your journey! Book an Intuitive life coaching session to make that commitment to yourself!



Go to the Radiance power-up index

Staying in the state of radiance– a quick planning tool


Take an in depth look at radiance, the foundation of your power and desire machine, your positive energy practices! But filling up your power and guidance core is more than just filling your life with self-help tools or techniques for relaxation and meditation. It’s about making time in your day to check in with yourself to see where you are and where you want to be.

The law of attraction tells us that what we put out into the universe is what comes back to us. If we radiate compassionate, powerful energies, then that is what will be attracted into our lives. If we hold on to our wounds and our helplessness, then that is what will be attracted into our lives. The easiest way to change our lives, is to change our energy. There is no logical or true reason why to stay under-powered, to stay feeling crappy. Everyday, in large and small ways, we need to choose higher states of vibration, stronger, clearer emotions to stay in. You have to be in touch with and feeding what you truly and honestly desire. You have to build your core power and guidance systems and rituals.


Before you can begin to change your energies, before you can even begin to start attracting new and more healthy things into our lives, we need to take a good long look at what energies we are currently holding. Remember, energy is holistic and holographic, so you need to think about this for every level of your of life. If you haven’t done so already, review the power-ups on powerful living and even think about taking the Super Spring Cleaning Challenge, even if it’s not spring anymore.

Powerful living index

Super Spring Cleaning Challenge


Once you have idea of what might need to change, take a look at the desire power-up page and do the desire worksheet. The Desire worksheet, or maybe play-sheet, will help put you in touch with what matter most to you, what makes you radiate, long, and ache. These feeling need to be the foundation for your life vision or plan. This worksheet will serve as the jumping off point for the rest of your life vision planning.

Desire index

Desire worksheet


If you need any planning and goal setting help, book an Intuitive Life Coaching session today!

Radiance Power-up index

be radiantThis week’s power-ups are going to take a in depth look at radiance, the foundation of your power and desire machine, your positive energy practices! But filling up your power and guidance core is more than just filling your life with self-help tools or techniques for relaxation and meditation. It’s about making time in your day to check in with yourself to see where you are and where you want to be. It’s about being radiant!


Check out everything related to this topic here!


If radiance isn’t your goal, this is why you need to rethink everything! article

Be truly positive, not fake positive…it’s not what you think!  article

Lindsay’s secret to Radiance and  the Law of Attraction  Video/podcast

Tools and Tips for staying in the state of radiance –article and videos

Staying the state of Radiance– a quick planning guide-  Topic wrap up and goal planning session

Be truly positive, not fake positive…it’s not what you think!

farfallaThis week’s power-ups are going to take a in depth look at radiance, the foundation of your power and desire machine, your positive energy practices! But filling up your power and guidance core is more than just filling your life with self-help tools or techniques for relaxation and meditation. It’s about making time in your day to check in with yourself to see where you are and where you want to be.

But it is about faking it until you make it?  Hell, no!!

Okay, a fake positive person is someone who is struggling hard to fake it till they make it to the land of happy, all positive feelings. They are secretly threatened by other people’s happiness, no matter the face or act they put on to the outside world. They are secretly self-loathing and desperately trying to “fix” what is wrong with them with affirmations, meditations, and self-help.


But God doesn’t make junk, as my mom told me. The Divine didn’t make half formed, broken people. The Divine made souls, gorgeous, beautiful souls of light and energy and power and love. We cannot fully see this in our imperfect mortal world and shell. We think we are our bodies or our minds, or our emotions. But we are that spark, driving force behind the biological mechanisms. We are our souls, which have for this moment in time, been melding into a physical form. And we long, we ache for what we remember of that Divine presence from which we came, because we believe that by being here on this plane, we are somehow separated from it. But we aren’t. We are the hands and hearts of the Divine in this here and now. We are, by and large, the presence of the Divine on Earth.


1484646_665108433556610_6663025174905411226_nBeing positive isn’t about platitudes, it’s about how you feel deep down inside and allowing that to radiate out. It’s about attempting to know a part of that Divine self that we all have. It’s about finding our power, whether it the power of love, the power of transformation, or the power of honesty (or any other power) in order to keep our relationships untangled and to continue to grow…to evolve. It’s about following our deep and truest desires and feelings for ourselves, our families, our communities, our world, because they are messages from the Divine to ourselves and the world.


Affirmations are just saying or truths we repeat to make ourselves believe something. They are prayers, they are spells, they are intentions we raise up, empower, and send out into the universe. Without our feelings and emotions; They become fruitless words, hard self-recriminations. Without dancing with, building a relationship with, or living with those messy, confusing, and sometimes torturous feelings and desires, we begin cause ourselves undue pain and suffering. You need to build up the positive within you, you need to feed those positive power cells to have a reserve, flex those positive emotional muscles to build up some muscle memory. You need to build a positive emotional practice to help sustain your center in your Divine desirous radiating state of being.


Get in touch with it, review this month’s material, as you are most likely experiencing low self esteem or confidence about something.

Powerful living power-up index

Desire power-up index

And then start build your power and guidance core.


self-loveSome tips for building your power and guidance core:


  • Be holistic: We’re looking for positive things for your mind, body, emotions, AND soul/energy. What makes you feel centered in your life, what makes you feel powerful?
  • Be creatively practical: our daily routine can easily become humdrum and stale, which mean our energy will stagnate. Energy may be “frozen” into a form, but it’s always moving, vibrating, and cycling. Leave room in your routines to spice things up a bit, put a new twist on things. Plan for those changes to keep it fresh. Make an entry in your calendar every two or three weeks to review your routines and get in touch with how you want to feel and see where you can make some tune-ups to how you rock your groove.
  • Don’t be deluded into trying big changes over a short amount of time. Plan for small changes over a longer period of time. Play with your options and pay attention to the results in how you feel. Shoot for 5% better each goal period.
  • Every evening ask yourself if you loved enough, laughed enough, and made a difference that day, and adjust as needed.
  • Every morning ask yourself how you feel AND want to feel that day, and aim for how you want to feel.
  • Take a mid-day breather and check in with yourself, how are you feeling and what would make the day for you if you could tap into that feeling?


Building up your ability to radiate should be a process that feels amazing, keep that your focus. But if you are struggling with any of this material and need more guidance, some brainstorming, or even a push, then book an Intuitive life coaching session, which is free for a limited time, so we can talk about it!

I believe in you!

I believe in the radiance of your soul and energy!


Go the Radiance Power-up index

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